December 2, 2006

In honor of the upset victory by the unrated UCLA Bruins over the #2 USC Trojans (I am not a UCLA alum, but my father is, and I like to do at least one nice thing for him every 3-4 months), I have changed the background color on this blog to Bruin Blue (which my father objects to as the “wimpiest” school color in the NCAA – in his favor, he has the good taste to not call it “gay”). This new color clash will not last long; and I’ll have a screengrab posted before it goes away.

As one who was taught growing up that the teams to root for were (a) UCLA and (b) whoever is playing USC, I consider this to be a truly Historic Occasion, especially considering that two points of the Trojans’ score were from a Safety given to them by UCLA in the 2nd quarter. (This was the point at which my father and many other Bruins fans turned off the TV, mumbling “I can’t watch this anymore”, and missed the rest of the game.) I consider it among the Top 10 Historic Occasions in the History of L.A., the other nine being

1. the Long Beach Earthquake of 1933
2. the Northridge Earthquake of 1994 (I didn’t say they were HAPPY historic occasions)
3. the opening of the Original Pantry Cafe and creation of the French Dip when a waiter accidentally dropped a roast beef sandwich into the coffee can full of drippings in 1924
4. the founding of the city at Olvera Street and opening of the first souvenir stand in 1781
5. the first Tonight Show when Johnny Carson moved from New York and the first time Ed McMahon said the words: “HOW… HOT… WAS IT?” in 1972
6. the L.A. Lakers NBA Championship Three-Peat in 2002 – 14 years after Laker Coach Pat Riley trademarked the term during a previously unsuccessful attemp (but he did get royalties when the Chicago Bull Three-Peated in ’93). True story, if you believe Wikipedia.
7. the opening of the Coconut Grove at the Ambassador Hotel in 1921
8. the assassination of Robert Kennedy at the Ambassador Hotel in 1968
9. the demolition of the Ambassador Hotel in 2006

This essentially keeps any previous classic UCLA-USC game out of the Top 10, of which several were in contention, some won by UCLA, some by USC. Which is appropriate, considering that most L.A. sports fans of any affiliation have a notoriously short attention span (in a recent survey, 72% said “We used to have two NFL teams? Really?”)

And considering I ddi take one summer class at UCLA which my REAL Alma Mater accepted as units toward by Bachelors Degree in Business (Yes, I have a BBA, no more questions), maybe I should start calling myself a UCLA Alum too. Besides, I look good in that shade of blue.

Old and Busted: Selling Your Soul. The New Hotness: Raffling It Off.
(Why not? I’m already going to hell.) (via mentalfloss) crossposted to MetaFilter

ADDENDUM:
I knew I would catch some grief for this post, but the first comment was:

I picked up a copy of Mental Floss hoping to be entertained on a relatively short flight, but found it to be full of the same stupid conventions and forced cynicism of Time or Newsweek or other such magazines Mental Floss presumes to lampoon/transcend.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:23 PM PST

…which is the most impressive topic derailing one of my contributions has ever been subjected to. Jumped past everything else to the “via” link, which, going to mental_floss’s website, is somewhat editorially different (much more bloggy) than the magazine, and then… ohhhh… why bother?

Sometimes I really need somebody else to remind me that I AM A WINNER!!! In this case, it’s that Edge Curve Caption Game where I have been awarded the Grandiose Prize and a few bucks to spend at Amazon for the follwing caption to the picture on the left:

I don’t know what happened, but there’s a guy in the next studio trying to charm a pack of cigarettes.

I am most pleasantly surprised, especially since I had more trouble than usual getting the wording right to express the funny idea (and when that happens, the result always seems less funny than when I just let the funny flow)

As always, I had submitted several ideas, a couple of which made “Honorable Mention” status:

Finally, payback for all my pet mice…

Don’t you recognize the universal symbol for “bat-s#!t crazy”?

And several of which were not…

Few people knew that Gary Larson had used live models for many of his Far Side cartoons.

Well, Harry, the good news is… you don’t have tapeworms…

That is the second-worst Cthulhu impression I’ve ever seen!

I’m sorry sir, but the rules clearly state that, no matter how you carry them, you aren’t allowed to have props your American Idol audition.

Just another crummy day at Airport Security…

Wasn’t he supposed to stuff them all into his SHIRT?

Don’t tell me… let me guess… tastes like chicken?

That’s what happens when you don’t quit telling those dumb “Snakes on a Plane” jokes…

If this doesn’t make me a shoe-in to replace Ted Haggard at the Christian Coalition, I don’t know what will.

Oddly, when I started to prepare this blog post and was thinking of a title, I thought of a few more that neither I nor the runner-up (“Projectile reptile vomiting?”) nor the 60 other “Honorable Mentions” had come up with:
Worst case of reptile misfunction I’ve ever seen.
The former soccer player insisted on a no-hands approach to his new job as snake handler.
Nigel’s “Badger badger badger” dance was most notable for what he did when the song got to “Snake!”

I also thought of “That’s NOT what we mean by snakebite,” but assumed that everybody would enter it; surprisingly, the judges noted that “Do I have anything in my teeth?” was the most common entry. Other people’s entries I wish I had said: “Outrageous new appetizers at TGIFriday’s go too far.” (Giovanna Kranenberg) “Could be a tapeworm, Dr. Foreman, run an MRI and get Cameron to do a lumbar puncture.” (Rick ‘House’ Wainright) “Medusa’s boyfriend was quite romantic, but he had a funny hat.” (Dave Mattingly) “Uncle Ronald finally learned not to try and eat the whole can of peanut brittle at once.” (Ryan Knapper) And best use of the inevitable phrase: “Damned in-flight meals. Who ever heard of snakes on a plane?” (David Franks)

But the most important thing is I WON and I WHOOPED jeff green (who thinks that he can be as cool as jason kottke by using all lower case). The next contest is up, and it really goes to the dogs…