April 18, 2006

Dr. Peter Rost, former Pfizer executive and male model (say what?) has begun blogging about Medical, Pharmaceutical and anything-else-he-wants issues at The Arianna Post (I still have issues about the cachet Ms. A. got from her formerly-married name), and while I am still far from finished reading the impressive output from his first three weeks, one thing has already made me a fan: his Disclaimer. I guess he realized he had become enough of a lightning rod by being “the first drug company executive to speak out in favor of reimportation of drugs”, that he needed to ground himself properly, but I really love some of the wording in the 13 paragraphs (plus three photos of crossed fingers) of this non-binding legal declaration:

If you are a lawyer and read this you can never use this blog in a court of law, since it does not always contain a full statement of facts, or even facts, but you can use it to entertain your fellow lawyers. And if you are an entertainment lawyer, feel free to call me because I need a gig or a speaking engagement.

You can expect to encounter generalizations, simplifications, hypothecations, exaggerations, inflations, fabrications, but mostly a lot of truths no one ever had the guts to tell you before. (The last part I wrote, my lawyer made me put in those other words.)

This disclaimer may be updated anytime and is presumed to part of any past or future postings. If you didn’t find it it’s your own fault.

A lot of the commentors to his blogging think Dr. Rost is being too defensive or self-important. As a blogger who has always been proudly defensive and self-important, I think he’s entertaining.

I am also rapidly becoming a fan of Steve Young on the same Zsa Zsa Arianna Post site (I can be so-o-o catty!). His issue-based humor is generally superior to mine, somehow good-heartedly poking fun at the evil-hearted, plus he actually gets his one-liners published in that other Los Angeles newspaper (yes, there is one, kinda), and he has self-published an apparently book totally UNironically titled “Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful“, although he definately puts his tongue in his cheek for “Dieting With Failure”.
I am impressed.

I just realized that there are many among my favorite bloggers and other writers (most of whom I’ve enjoyed far longer than the two above) whom I have never acknowledged in this forum. I got a lot of catching up to do.

Wendell’s Disclaimer: I am never gonna get caught up.

“The Bloggers Project,” onstage at UCLA (appropriately Freud Playhouse, except its named after Ralph Freud)

For those of you joining this blog in progress, I (1) am a fan of April Winchell’s blog and (2) frequently enter online contests for short and silly writing, so, when the Bloggoddess herself invited suggestions for satirical citibank slogans*, I had a million of ‘em…

Stop worrying about your money. We’re not giving it back to you.

Learn to laugh at yourself the way we bankers laugh at you.

Keep telling yourself “Living well is the best revenge”. And put down the gun.

Let us know if you find something money can’t buy.

Good health is priceless. The resale value of healthy organs is always high.

Enjoy your time with your family now, before they find out you’ve spent their inheritance.

Make paper airplanes with those 14 credit card applications we send you every month.

A penny saved won’t cover our service charges.

The price for a pound of flesh is holding steady.

Who needs a power tie when you don’t have any power?

One of my submissions was good enough to make the list of 15 finalists that April’s “wonderful and talented boyfriend John” photoshopped into billboard form…

“The best things in life are way out of your reach anyway. So settle.”
(The ‘WENDELL’ tag at the bottom of the board is my photoslop work, NOT John’s)

I am honored. I am easily honored.

In spite of its being listed third among 15, I have not won Third Place – yet. The final judging is being made by you, the public; however I do not have my own 1-900 umber, you just have to email April. Vote early. Vote often. And if you can’t bring yourself to supporting this pathetic bloghead, here are my other favorite entries:

“It’s not supposed to bend like that.” submitted by steebie
“You’re more than a number to us. You’re a number with a dollar sign.” submitted by john-san
“Remember – old people often forget that they loaned you money.” submitted by newdug
“If you’re happy and you know it, think again.” submitted by curlylee
“Eat right and exercise. Your organs will be worth more.” submitted by bmuller (which is the same joke as one of mine, just better worded, dammit.)

*Due to her blog’s non-existant permalinking, the only link to the original contest is here, right below the tattooed lady. For your own protection, DO NOT click on the links in the tattoo post. Just don’t.

I think you could say that terror and horror are partially synonymous, at least similar in connotation (Bad. Real bad.). Terrify and horrify are similarly similar, as are terrible and horrible. It could be argued that in today’s world we need terms like horrorist and horrorize to go alongside terrorist and terrorize. So how did we end up with terrific meaning something so different from horrific? (And I’m speaking as a life-long fan of Tom Terrific.)