January 31, 2006

For those of you who are Pop Culture Savants like yours truthinessly, the reference in the title of the previous post should have left you smiling, nodding your heads and respecting the Wendell .5% more than before. Yes, I was relating the Gorrila Suit Day holiday to the catchphrase of this year’s most entertainingly obnoxious new sitcom character: “How I Met your Mother’s” Barney, portrayed uproariously by Neil Patrick “Doogie” Harris. One wonderful thing about this lovable stinker is not just that this fictional character has a blog, but that it is perfectly in character for him to have a blog. Which is not so much the case for the other most recent fictional character to get a blog: Chewbacca. But if a ficticious memoir can continue to be a best-seller after Oprah has evisceratd the author on live TV, then there is nothing wrong with fictional TV characters having blogs. Regerttably, it is too late for Buffy the Vampire Slayer to have a LiveJournal, or West Wing’s Leo McGarry to do a poli-blog, and a blog by (“His Name Is…”) Earl would be far beyond the ability of any spellchecking program to make readable. But, hey, don’t they still have a computer down in the hatch on “Lost” island? I think Hurley should get himself a Free Blogspot account (but hey, he could affort to pay for TypePad).
If there’s one thing most TV characters have in common with most Bloggers, is that you’re grateful that you don’t have to meet up with either in real life.

Wendell Wittler is a veteran A.W.O.L. weblogger and former owner of the site OneSwellFoop.com (which fell out of his control during one of his frequent personal financial crises and is currently owned by a slimy cybersquatter who thinks he’ll make some money off it. Not in your wettest dreams, bub.)

Formerly holding the title of Los Angeles’ lowest-paid radio personality, he nearly conned his way into the Guinness Book of World Records in 1975 for the “longest wait on hold” as part of a talk radio stunt and was the first American media person allowed to record an interview on the floor of Lloyds of London. As a freelance contributor to the “People’s Almanac/Book of Lists” series of pop reference volumes in the ’80′s, his only credit in print was for the article on Schopenhauer in “Intimate Sex Lives of Famous People”. Such is the fleeting nature of very minor fame.

Additional biographical material will be added as soon as he emerges from a severe bout of depression.

Can’t take total credit for this one. A poster at the Blank Label Comics Message Board called Graaille made the funniest comment on their self-proclaimed Chaos Thread!

I hooked my sleep number bed up to a high pressure system and a random number generator. I wake up feeling refreshed, on the floor, in the closet, in the bushes outside my window……

To which I dutifully replied…

Have you ever woke up (a) on the ceiling (b) UNDER the bed or (c) folded over kissing your own ass?

Instead of air, fill it up with water, then set the number for wave height.
Cowabunga!

I love forums that support silly threads, and it makes sense that a collective of some of the funniest webcomics (including the one that did that super-caricature of yours truly over in the left sidebar) would also have the funniest message boards.

They also have a thread that recreates the old “Whose Line” game “Questions Only”.

And, oh yeah, the webcomics, like Schlock Mercenary, Ugly Hill, Starslip Crisis and the already-mentioned-in-the-left sidebar Evil Inc. These are dangerous people to associate with. They even motivated me to acquire a Wacom Drawing Tablet (cheap) to show myself how badly I draw. But if you enjoy hip humor, sci-fi and fantasy without the video games and furries that seem to dominate the webcomic world, Blank Label is a good place to point your browser.

There. NOW will you guys let me back in the Forums?

It’s not Groundhog Day, but I’m going to peek out of my little internet burrow, look around, and see if I should dedicate another six weeks to NOT blogging.

Hmmm…. Looks safe.

Now, if I can keep the day from repeating over and over again, I’ll have it made.

You may notice some minor changes in the formatting, particluarly, the link to a different hosting service than I had before (yes, I’m going Dreamhosty). This also means the Archives have once again gone *poof* (although the new, hip sound effect for something vanishing is *poit*), and will be slowly and laboriously reconstructed.

Seriously. I am resuming blogging.

Honest.

Cross my heart and hope… oh, my cardiologist made me promise not to do that.