"MORE Predictions for 2007"

  • Getting bored with his retirement from “The Price Is Right”, Bob Barker will announce that he’s running for President. The polls will show him almost as popular as both parties’ front-runners, without going over. But his campaign won’t recover from his controversial proposal that Social Security be converted to a “Plinko-based system”.
  • In order to protect the dwindling polar bear population, most of them will be moved to the coldest known location on earth, David Letterman’s TV studio.
  • There will be controversy in the second season of “Heroes” when it is discovered that the cheerleader didn’t “save herself”.
  • The director of “Snakes on a Plane” will attempt a lower-budget production aimed directly at the (now known to be pretty small) internet-influenced audience: “Bugs on a Blog”.
  • Researchers will discover that the recent drop of penguin populations was not due to Global Warming, but the fact that they have been chain-smoking Kool brand cigarettes since the 1950s.
  • Sacha Baron Cohen will introduce a brand new character to attempt to continue his series of “Borat”-style pranks, but despite his skill with dialects, nobody will believe he’s a Ferengi.
  • Al Gore will NOT run for President again, because it’s too inconvenient.
  • String theory will be challenged by a group of scientists who claim the universe is held together with duct tape. After this theory is debunked, the group will come back with machine screws and locknuts, then it will be discovered their research was fully funded by Home Depot.
  • A woman accused of cutting off her husband’s penis will claim in her defense that she was influenced by Saturday Night Live’s “Dick in a Box” sketch.
  • “Pirates of the Caribbean 3” will feature a controversial crossover appearance by Animatronic Mr. Lincoln.
  • “Spiderman 3” will feature so many cool villains, the producers will have to edit out Spiderman.
  • As a side effect on the battle against Trans Fats, most hospitals will refuse to perform sex-change surgery on the obese.

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