"Going to Potter"


With the roundabout announcement of the title of the 7th and final Harry Potter book, the collective snark of MetaFilter was engaged with the task of devising ‘better’ titles. I was a bit late to the Potter party, but I gave it several of my best shots:

Harry Potter and the Snakes on a Plane
(nobody did this one yet?)

Harry Potter 7: Electric Boogaloo

Harry Potter and the Poincare Conjecture

Harry Potter and the Palatine Uvula

Harry Potter and the Unauthorized Biography

Harry Potter and the Downing Street Memo

Harry Potter and the Protease Inhibitor

Harry Potter and the Sleeper Cell

Harry Potter on Rails

Harry Potter and the Attractions
(like you never noticed his resemblance to a young Elvis Costello)

Harry Potter and John Ford Coley
(’70s pop music reference. kids, get off my lawn)

and some Harry Potter Crossovers That We Hope Never Happen:
Harry Potter and the Chocolate Factory
Harry Potter and the Phantom Tollbooth
Harry Potter and the Dharma Initiative
Harry Potter and the Final Fantasy
Harry Potter Hears a Who
Harry Potter and Hobbes
Harry Potter and the Neverending Story (NO-O-O-O!)

But I was still overwhelmed by the number of ‘wish I’d thought of thats’ that were submitted both before and after mine. Ladies and gentlemen: the reasons for my deepening inferiority complex.

“ND¢” lived up to his name by starting the (ahem) ball rolling with “Harry Potter and the Assless Chaps”.

“Mister_A” gave us “Harry Potter and the Inevitable Meme”, “Harry Potter and the Last Train to Clarksville” and “Harry Potter and the 58-Game Hitting Streak”.

A new member named “bruce” (MetaFilter ran for seven years before that name was registered?) offered the truly fantasy-driven “Harry Potter and the Forthright, Plainspoken Fed Chairman” and “Harry Potter and the Secure, Reliable Systems from Microsoft”.

“gcbv” provided “Harry Potter and the Supremes”, which beat all other musical-group-themed titles by popular demand.

“emelenjr” came up with the most popular TV reference: “Welcome Back, Potter”.

“gompa” successfully went Meta with “Harry Potter and the Relentless Snark”.

“Cyclopsis Raptor” provided the self-explanatory “Harry Potter and the Name That Totally Won’t Make Sense Until You’re On Page 458”.

“Awkward Pause” lived up to his name with a title split between two comments:
“Harry Potter and the…”

“Eponysterical Comment”.

“Harry Potter and the Giblet of Chicken” (appropriately) from “stirfry”
“Harry Potter and the Hardy Boys in The Mystery of Tom Swift’s Thermokinetic Railcycle” from “Smart Dalek”
“Harry Potter and the Delerium Tremens” from “Darth Fedor”
“Harry Potter and the Overused Ellipses” from “casarkos”
“Harry Potter and the Autoclaved Speculum” from “retronic”
“It Turns Out Harry Is Not a Potter, But a Glazer, Which Is a Related Profession” from “Astro Zombie”
“Harry Potter and the Furious Five” from “Uther Bentrazor”

“Harry Potter and the Thingamajig of the Whatchamacallit”
and “Harry Potter and the Side Order of Onion Rings from “pardonyou?”

“Harry Potter and the Amazon Women from Mars”
and “Harry Potter and the Toe Eating Ferret” (fast breaking newsiness!) from
“pyramid termite”.

“Harry Potter and this One Time in Band Camp”
“Harry Potter and the Bad Guy Mustache <:-[”
“Harry Potter and…The Aristocrats!”
“Harry Potter and the Iraq Study Group Report”
and “Harry Potter and the Evil Bailey Building & Loan” (this one sneaks up on you later) from “Smedleyman”.

“Harry Potter and the Biscuit of Doom”
“Harry Potter and the Carburetor of Despair”
“Harry Potter and the Ghastly Proboscis”
and “Harry Potter and the Noun Phrase Sex Offenders” from “sfenders”.

“Harry Potter and the Swiftly Tilting Planet”
“Harry Potter and the Series of Unfortunate Events”
and “Harry Potter and the Weekend at Bernie’s” from “BeReasonable”

“Harry Potter and the Elective Marine Neurochemistry Laboratory Studying the Mating Response of Geoducks Because He Needed the Credits”
“Harry Potter and the Never-Ending Department of Motor Vehicles Queue”
“Harry Potter and the Super-Ultra-Big-Gulp Slurpee Headache”
“Harry Potter Goes To Burning Man and Catches Herpes From A Stiltperson”
and “Harry Potter Dies In A Fire – Twice” from “loquacious”

“Harry Potter and the Higgs Boson Field”
“Harry Potter and Multi-dimensional String Theory”
and “Harry Potter and the Undiscovered Country” from “thecaddy”

And then “It’s Raining Florence Henderson” showed up with:
“Harry Potter and the Magdalen Laundries”
“Harry Potter: If I Did It”
“Harry Potter Live at the Palladium”
“Harry Potter and the One-Eyed Trouser-Snake… of Doom”
and “Harry Potter and the [Redacted by White House]” (more topical than the ferret!)

One MeFite cheated by quoting a few gems from this list (but was at least honest enough to link to it):

Harry Potter and the E Street Band
Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison
Harry Potter and the It Was All Only A Dream
Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood, the Quadroon, and the Octaroon
Hal Pot and the Intellectuals of Cambodia
Harry Putter’s Magic Golf Game in 21 Weeks
Harry Potter and the shameless Tom Clancy Crossover
Harry Potter and the Weapons of Magic Destruction
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza
Harry Potter and the Bizarro Harry Potter
Harry Potter the Geopolitical Realities of the Post-Nuclear Age
Harry Potter and Whoever Alan Rickman’s Character is are Totally Doing It
Harry Potter and the Insidious Compact Disc Root Kit Installation
Harry Potter and the Website of Jokes
Harry Potter and the Hendersons

I am beginning to understand my problem. I do not have a weird enough username at MeFi.

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