"Old Twitterings #anotherone"

2009
Jan
13

I DON’T CARE HOW FAMOUS YOU ARE. IF I’M FOLLOWING YOU, DON’T FEED ME STRAIGHT LINES.

Our County Fair has a lot of wine (it’s the county’s #1 agricultural product) but Budweiser still sponsors the Live Music Stage.

One of the most frustrating things I’ve ever experienced is being told by my doctor I’m healthier than I feel.

For a Time Lord, wouldn’t the correct wording of that Shakespeare quote be: “To be or to was or to will be or none of the above”???

8/8/08: I was saying all along “for Edwards to be credible in ’08 he has to do something besides campaign for 4 years”… JUST NOT THAT.

When you’re bothered by somebody speaking loudly in another language, act like you understand everything they’re saying. It either shuts ’em up or pisses them off. Result: either silence of big LOLs.

(to a pre-Twitter friend) PLEASE remember that twitter readers may attempt to chain your tweets together into an ongoing narrative… So it is not a good idea to follow “And the plot moistens…” with “Oh man, cheese should *not* do that.”

The reason we fear both Success and Failure is that mostly we fear CHANGE. Which does more to make that Obama dude scary than his skin color or strange name.

I HATE it when I typo “firends” instead of “friends”. It leaves a wrong impression.

The word “HOPE” has just dropped off the TwitterSearch hotlist. You may resume your normal state of quiet desperation.

In my years as a bean-counter, I believed in the Bob Newhart accounting method: “A few cents either way, what’s it matter?” Which is why he became a comedian and I never became a CFO.

I just realized that I’ve gone my entire MAD magazine reading life misspelling “potrzebie”. (I put the z before the r, also screwing the pronunciation)

You can’t see problems when you’re one of them. Duh.

Is @mathowie now Seersuckerman instead of Recumbentcycleman now? Or Seersuckerrecumbentman? Or Recumbentseersuckerman? Or Seercumbantresuckerman? WHAT the hell is Matt?

When you have rye bread, swiss cheese and sauerkraut, EVERYTHING looks like a Reuben. Hot Dog Reuben? Yep. Roast Beef Reuben? Uh huh. Sliced Turkey Reuben? Okay. Hamburger Reuben? Starting to get dicey. Chicken Breast Reuben? Ham Reuben? Bologna Reuben? Smoked Salmon Reuben? Surimi Krab Reuben? Tofu Reuben? Breakfast Sausage Reuben? Liverwurst Reuben? Bacon Reuben? We have a winner! At least I stopped before I got to Filet-O-Fish Reuben. (And since I’m allergic to peanuts, a Peanut Butter Reuben was never gonna happen)

Last word on Reuben-related subject: Corned Beef & Swiss with Cole Slaw (IN the sandwich) on an Onion Roll: The Goy Reuben (Rufus? Robin?)

Words that do not go together: “Taco Bell Photo Shoot”. America’s Next Top Chalupa or Project Get-The-Runs-Way?

I believe one MUST explore the lowest depths of dip-hood sometime. There is no other possible explanation for Clam Dip. (between that an the Clamato beverage, the Clam Advisory Board must have been the greatest PR campaigners ever)

When did the concept of “the Lowest Common Denominator” get replaced by “the Wisdom of Crowds” anyway? I was not consulted.

Does having “77 Resources to Simplify Web Design” really simplify anything?

Suggested positive role models for Wealth: Warren Buffett and his brother Jimmy, Bruce Wayne & Tony Stark, Paris Motelsix.

to @hodgman Isn’t everybody who has ever gotten a book published currently in the process of writing another book?

I have a cousin Mike who’s a former commercial artist turned architectural designer. How would he react if I called him CMYKe?

If a tree falls in the forest and I blog about it and get 0 comments, did I make a sound?

If you borrowed from Peter to pay Paul, then Paul should pray for Peter, or maybe Peg. Yeah, Peg, it will come back to you.

This is the best George Carlin sports-related bit- which he did on the very first Saturday Night Live. (not a clip from the show but the same routine)

The thing is, I was one of the 100 Top Bloggers back when there WERE only 100 bloggers. That’s not famous, just ubiquitous. Or old. Or “doesn’t know when to quit”. But I learn from my mistakes, that’s how I’m able to keep duplicating them exactly!

Google put an ad on my blog: “Blog Writer I Love To Blog – SEO Savvy $35 Per Post – All Topics” Should I feel insulted?

Nerd Supply is what all the cool kids in the 80’s called Air Supply. Either that or Air Heads. Or Dead Air Supply.

Real Republicans don’t believe in ‘living within your means’; it’s something about the Rapture coming before the balloon payment.

I think I am going to start all my tweets with “I think” from now on.
I think this will now limit me to 132 characters.

“Doctor doctor I think I am a pack of cards” … “I will deal with you later”

Why doesn’t Dairy Queen have mascot character like Burger King?

After 40 years of playing fast and loose with space and time, why would you ever expect Doctor Who to have CONTINUITY?

5-Star Trivia: The debut of Doctor Who in 1963 was the first regularly scheduled program shown on the BBC after covering JFK’s funeral.

Somebody (citation needed) figured out email spammers make money if 1 of 10,000,000 respond. With that math, nothing is dumb.

I still can’t believe I didn’t notice when “Whiter Shade of Pale” tuned 40 last year. But then, if I had, I might have killed myself…

One of the advantages of working for somebody else USED TO BE being able to leave it behind at 5:00… less and less so…

(Advice to a famous person who had just joined Twitter and asked for advice…) If you don’t regret at least 10% of your Twitterings, you’re not doing it right. But over 50% – step away from the Twitter.

Reports of Steve Jobs’ death have been highly backdated…

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