"Today’s Naughty Joke Challenge"


…comes from the usually only slightly naughty Octopus Pie webcomic where, while creator Meredith Gran makes a cross-country migration (that will NOT be reflected in her Brooklyn-based comic, at least not at once), she has allowed far-naughtier webcomicker Erika Moen (not usually SFW) to do a guest comic in which she provided a collection of verb out with your noun outs” as declared by the various Octopus Pie characters.

I like the casual style of “hang out with your wang out”, the proud un-coolness of “nerd out with your bird out” and “geek out with your cheeks out” and the age-appropriate “lie down with your fly down (some of us are too old to rock out for very long)”. But I know there are other possibilities, and I wanted to test my own creativity with a little “out”-ing.

But all I could come up with was “a detective doing a stakeout with his snake out” before I essentially schlepped out with my pep out.

So I attempted some oddly-worded queries on several search engines… Yes, I did Bing out with my thing out, Google out with my kugel out, and Yahoo! out with my Yahoo! out.

And, not only am I really not very good at naughty punnery, now the secret databases where the search engines follow your every move have me labeled as a “punning prevert” (which I was trying to hide from them). Later on, when I was writing a response to a MetaFilter post about “Everything Is Terrible” by linking to a video of the Ray Stevens song “Everything Is Beautiful”, I stumbled upon a video for one of Stevens’ less serious songs, “The Streak”.

Now there was a true pioneer in verbing out with his noun out. Except he didn’t really Rock Out, it was more like he Country/Popped Out.

Anyway, at least Achewood is better than usual. I’m sorry, but when it gets into storylines like the recent time travel poncho thingy, it loses me. But in its most recent strip, when Chris Onstad used all of his powers of weirdness on Facebook, it was a delight to behold. “It’s kind of like if the pictures in your high school yearbook came alive and went bald and said sorry.” Best. Definition. Ever. And the COURTESY NOTICES. If there isn’t a Facebook group called “I Have Died” (and I am never getting deep enough into that swamp to find out), there certainly should be.

And then there is the ongoing saga of fantasy, absurdity and clever wordplay that is simply titled Goats, where new chapters have been fewer and farther between as the webcomicker is busy dealing with the dead-tree/living-color edition of his earlier work, yet it is so worth waiting for every new moment in the Ultraweapons Trade Benevolence Private Weaponyards on Galactron Cortex with the Ultimate Computational Weapon, the Lolcat Memebomb, that can “Rickroll an entire level of existence into submission”. Awesomeness.

One other thing worth noting in the Wonderful Web of Wit and Whimsy: the demotivating minds at Despair.com is doing another caption contest, this time using a picture of two dandelions, one of which has only a single spore left standing.dandyAnd unlike previous contestings, it’s allowing the unwashed masses to rate the entries… it’s things like these that help reassure me that I AM an above-average writer of the funny, because some of these are deeply, deeply awful. Why did this picture inspire so many to make Bald jokes? (Forget I asked; I know) And some of the typos just make the lines better (“The looser takes it all”). And so many references to wind… most of them rather windbaggy. Some of the contributors forgot to include the humor in the black humor (and internet writing contests are not good places to make your cry for help). And then there are some very good turns of phrase that have only the slightest connection with the picture! (“Standing firm against the currents of change invites the lawnmower of destruction.”) Or none at all… (“When being sized up for the promotion, there was always a chance they were not going to go with tenure, experience, and knowledge. Just a chance.”) I submitted a couple myself, but I cannot remember them. Which means I probably voted against them. But I know they didn’t have anything to do with baldness or the wind!

Still, it does my heart good to see an entry like:
Wishing for it isn’t going to make up for your abundancy of not funny

And knowing it can’t POSSIBLY be referring to me!

Your Turn...

You can use these HTML elements without blowing things up: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>