"Jack So Disbarred Thompson 3: the wreckening"

2008
Sep
29

This will be my final word(s)on this particular topic, but I see that someone else has registered JackThompsonIsSoDisbarred.com, collected 83 examples as of Saturday (but no update since) and is accepting more examples (along with “an amusing title image or css design”) at a Gmail address. I couldn’t have done a more half-assed job myself, and I am a Half-Assed Website Master. I’ll show the few JTISD.com has that aren’t from Twitter at the bottom of this list, thus completing the Circle of Internet Content Copyage.

Meanwhile, back at the Twitter:

Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can only watch the first half of Law & Order. (potch)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred that if he drives in San Francisco he’ll likely have to go on the Emcadero. (fluffy)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, his favorite ’60s Jane Fonda film is just “ella”. (rchaas)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, sharks can eat him without violating the tenets of professional courtesy. (fluffy – and I was kinda hoping we’d get through this without getting into Standard Lawyer Jokes)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred that when he plays tennis they hold him in contempt of court. (Envarh)
If we’re going into third-level “bar” puns, Jack Thompson is so disbarred, if he sees this he’ll die of emrassment. (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, the only “esquire” he’ll ever see is a men’s magazine. (fluffy)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he has to do quantum mechanics with h. (tony1athome)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, it’s impossible for him to do pull-ups anymore.(Dishliquid)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he has an olympic gymnastics gold medal in the “Parallel.” (CttCJim)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t even eat at the Food Court! (indigokelleigh)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, all his base are belong to us. (motornerve)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t even blame his misfortune on Murphy’s law. (arariel)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, the only case he’ll finish is a 12 pack of beer (wcgallego)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even get a windows client (herminator64)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, even Davey Crockett wouldn’t shoot him when he was three. (j4yx0r – there were other attempts a bar/bear humor, but this one was the least painful)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, all other lawyers named Jack have to retake the bar exam. (tinhoy)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even motion in charades. (tinhoy)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even try his luck. (emmanuelm)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, no one at Cheers knows his name. (cthuljew – I promised no more drinking bar lines, but this one worked so well)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he is not even allowed to eat a Klondike. (greggehr – I promised no more candy bars, not ice cream bars)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he has to open crates with a crow. (Klink258 – an above-average bar pun lags behind)

If your contribution did not show up in this list, it was probably for one of the following reasons:
(1) Twitter Search missed it (Did you spell “disbarred” with one R or two?)
(2) It duplicated an earlier entry (No accusation of copying; but so many Twittery minds can think alike)
(3) I don’t like you and I’m a totally unfair booger-face.

Now, as promised, here are the ones JackThompsonIsSoDisbarred.com had that were at least kind of different than the ones Twittered:
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he couldn’t motion a Wii-mote.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred his wife is rejecting his pleadings.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred Starbucks turns him away for a lack of grounds.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred Ifrit won’t respond to his summons.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t appeal an orange.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s having trouble with his hearing.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred even his wife claims he wrongfully discharged.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he had to return any grills in his possession to the court.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred pirates have to say ‘QQQQQQQQ’ when they’re around him. (HUH?)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s now a Jack of all trades. Except for one.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can no longer climb ladders.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he has to go to Mexico for a drink.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred his subpoenis has gone limp.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t pardon himself after burping.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred a priest and a rabbi are sitting outside him.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s no longer spoony. (HUH?)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s not allowed to be in limbo.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred Judge Dredd can’t arrest him.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t sustain an erection.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s restricted to riding a unicycle.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t file his fingernails.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he has to grip the sides of a rollercoaster and hope for the best.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t use trial and error.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred even the laws of supply and demand avoid him.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred his law school gave him a refund.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can only get pizza at S’ro.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s not allowed to read sheet music.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he just smashed the Olympic pole vault record.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s only allowed to fly the top left of the U.S. Flag.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can only eat ‘beque at picnics.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred hookers won’t accept his solicitations.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he doesn’t have a place to put his tasks in Windows.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’s not allowed to make his own salad.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred even Chuck Norris can’t reinstate him.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he couldn’t bail water out of a boat.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred his Ken doll had to marry Skipper.
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he has to choose between John McCain and Ack Obama.

“Ack Obama”?!? After a long list of mostly ho-hums and eye-rolls, that was a spit-take. It brings to mind images of Bill the Cat wearing a gray suit and a flag pin.

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