"Jack Disbarred is So Thompson"

2008
Sep
28

My Internet Idol Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg has made Twitter approximately 75% more fun (if not any more useful) with what he calls “Twitter Mobs” or “audience participation comedy”. He occasionally puts out a funny meme (like substituting “Mothra” for “Mother”), posts a few examples, and lets his just-under-a-thousand Twitter followers pick it up and run with it… often into a wall.

Being one of the Sjöbergazzi, I have been one of the first to jump on his rickety bandwagons, and take pride in some of my silliness (Now you know what I’ve been doing instead of blogging). But the only way to follow the fun is via Twitter Search, which is not so good for the Internet Permanent Record (rejected @ MetaFilter), so, since it’s one of those “somebody’s got to do it” things and I’ve been doing self-esteem exercises where I repeat “I am somebody” over and over, I decided to create a more static digest of the best Twitter Mob Meme yet: “Jack Thompson is SO Disbarred”

(And if you don’t know who Jack Thompson is, or why he got disbarred, you might not be cool enough for this whole thing, but for most of these, just think of any slimier-than-average lawyer getting disbarred)

From the beginning (and doing my best to credit whoever was first to Twitter a particular line, even if it wasn’t me…)

Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he’s not even allowed to approach the bench at a picnic table. (loresjoberg)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even file briefs in his underwear drawer. (loresjoberg)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even charge his Blackberry. (giromide)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he had to switch to liquid soap. There’s a reason I don’t get paid to tell jokes. 🙁 (ninjabot)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even make a motion on a dance floor (alternate idea involved moving bowels; decided no) (wendelldotme – yes, me)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even make an opening statement in a singles bar. (they won’t let him IN the bar) (wendelldotme – yes, I should be ashamed of myself)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even move to dismiss the feces from his bowels. (giromide – going where I didn’t dare)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even represent the Lollipop Guild. (loresjoberg)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even habeus his own corpus. Or quid his own pro quo. (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even object to the high price of gasoline. (giromide)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even badger http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/ (TheFolin)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t appeal to anybody! (But honestly, he never did.) (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he had to switch to boxer shorts.(1fort – a borderline ‘almost dupe’ to the “file briefs” line, but I’ll allow it)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even say “Can I Get a Witness” in a Black church!(wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t please the court in a sexual manner.(TheFolin)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, if he goes to a concert, he has to stay there. (Because he cant get a change of venue, see.)(romulusnr)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even redact his annual Christmas letter.(giromide)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he got kicked out of a food court. (1fort)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, even his kids can’t have recess. (romulusnr)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, now he CAN handle the truth.(ninjabot)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, ambulances are chasing HIM!(cleverninja)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even enter Judge Reinhold’s chambers.(ninjabot)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he finally realized that IANAL doesn’t mean what he thought. (ulotrichous)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even approach a park bench.(potch)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, Moe Szyslak fended him off with a shotgun and a cat-o-nine-tails(patrickcentral)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he has to get dental caps, because he can’t get a retainer. (romulusnr)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he’s not allowed to watch the Discovery channel. (patrickcentral)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even summon his kids to help him with the lawn. (giromide)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even negotiate a bargain at a flea market.(potch)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he had to give back his Roseanne DVDs.(romulusnr)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even get a case at Costco. (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t date Roseanne YES IT IS THE EIGHTIES.(loresjoberg – and YES IT IS A NEAR DUPLICATE)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, they won’t let him into a pub either.(squireofgothos – I may have to quit including ‘near dupes’)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even get his wife off, technicality or no. (romulusnr)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even represent his own Mothra.(ninjabot – it’s funnier if you remember the “Mothra/Mother Meme”)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, when he brought his boat to the marina, they wouldn’t let him docket.(potch)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t negotiate a winding road.(wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can sing for Chequered Past and Power Station.(jeffzugale – it’s a pun on the name of singer Michael DesBarres)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he has to stay a hundred yards from Jude Law.(loresjoberg)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t even eat a torte, let alone reform it. (MackJ)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he couldn’t even get a free trial from AOL.(ghowley)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t WEAR a suit, legally. (nobody came up with this one yet?!?) (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t even sue sue sudio. (MackJ)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred that he can’t use free weights.(blob)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even request a garnish on his blue plate special. (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t even call a Jehovah’s Witness.(Envarh)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred that if he even so much as starts a “walks into a bar” joke he can do jail time. (blob)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t appeal potatoes. (ghowley)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even claim immunity from the flu. (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he has to apologize to Shakespeare. (MackJ)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he’s not allowed to use suitcases. (squireofgothos)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t even limbo under one. (ok that’s lame) (TarotByArwen – that comment was from the original Twitterer, not me)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even lien on a wall. (IT’S PUN TIME!) (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred that he’s limited to non-spell-casting classes in his D&D group. (blob – D&D puns WERE inevitable)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can only play open chords. (romulusnr)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t judge a pie eating contest. (TarotByArwen)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even practice the clarinet. (why clarinet? why not trumpet or guitar or piano or xylophone?) (wendelldotme – because the clarinet is one of the funnier musical instruments, although the xylophone comes close)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t even attend football practice (why football? why not basketball or baseball…?) (wendelldotme – because football season just started)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he has to measure ambient atmospheric pressure in SI compliant pascals (Envarh – weather nerds, rejoice!)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he got kicked out of church for cross-examining. (potch)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t operate any vessel with sail rigging. (blob – okay, now it’s getting too obscure)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he can’t even cross-dress. (TarotByArwen)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, his Confederate flags can only have stars on them.(romulusnr)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred he’ll never do another chin up. (Envarh)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, all his doubts must now be unreasonable. (wendelldotme)
Jack Thompson is so disbarred, he can’t watch any portion of The Big Lebowski that has Sam Elliott in it.(blob – technically, it should only be where he says “Sometimes you eat the bar…”)

There are more… many more… but I’m a bit overwhelmed right now…

6 Comments (so far) about

"Jack Disbarred is So Thompson"

  1. Wendell Twitters and Burps by Wendell.Me. Says:

    […] Jack Disbarred is So Thompson […]

  2. giromide Says:

    Yes, Wendell, I dared go where you wouldn’t. I thought about that one as long as I could given the time pressure. Without tooting my horn, I tried very hard to stick to terminology from the legal world, which I why I only produced a handful.

  3. me, Wendell Says:

    Giro (if I may call you that), you did okay. More than most, better than most. I did so many (some worse than your worst) because I had so much free time… well, I was also avoiding other things I HAD to do at the time.

  4. Midnight Ryder’s Blog » Jack Thompson is so disbarred… oh come on, it’s funny damnit! Says:

    […] a couple lists of good ones floating around – you might try this one first.  And if you still aren’t convinced it’s funny – please check the Wikipedia Entry for […]

  5. Thomp Jackson is So Defrocked II by Wendell.Me. Says:

    […] Jack Disbarred is So Thompson […]

  6. Jack So Disbarred Thompson 3: the wreckening by Wendell.Me. Says:

    […] Jack Disbarred is So Thompson […]

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