"The Triumph of Wil"

2008
Sep
18

Apparently the latest Internet Meme is “Facts About Wil Wheaton” which seems redundant, since Wil IS an Internet Meme.

My faves (and ones you don’t have to be a 37th level nerf herder in Worlds of Wargames to understand)…
#9 Wil Wheaton is the Kwisatz Haderach.
#10 Wil Wheaton is Three Laws Safe!
#11a Wil has banged more hot chicks in costumes than you will ever meet.
#12 The current Wil Wheaton is actually from the Mirror Universe, as evidenced by his Goatee of Doom.
#20 When Wil said there were five lights, Patrick Stewart screamed “There are five farking lights!” and then ran away.
#21 In the event of a crash landing, Wil can be used as a flotation device. (Incredibly, just as effective on dry land)
#27 Kirk beat the No Win Scenario by cheating, Wil beat it by sneezing.
#28. Wil is the only human being on Earth who actually has, swung on a star and carried moonbeams home in a jar.
#38. We should all be thankful that Wil uses his powers for good and not evil.

Still, I’ve heard that participation in this meme is mandatory and they left off at #38…

#39 Between takes during the filming of “Stand By Me”, Wil beat the crap out of Jerry O’Connell, because he knew Jerry would someday co-star in “Carpoolers”.

#40 Wil’s house in Pasadena was once owned by the Little Old Lady from the Jan & Dan song. And her Super Stock Dodge is still in the garage. With her body in the trunk.

#41 Wil taught Jonathan Frakes and Avery Brooks how to behave at Comic Com.

#42 Wil knows the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything’s Archie.

#43 It was only due to an unfortunate typo that the Nintendo game console is NOT named the Wil.

#44 Wil turned down all three lead roles in “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” because he felt that adding to his “Geek Cred” that much would be unfair to all other geeks.

#45 The character of Wesley Crusher would’ve been even more annoying if someone else had played it (See: Jerry O’Connell above)

#46 Wil Wheaton is #1 on Wendell Wittler’s list of “People with the Initials W.W. Who Stand in My Way of World Domination”. #2 is Woody Woodpecker, #3 is Wendell Willkie, #4 is the entire membership of Weight Watchers and #5 is Oprah Winfrey’s sister Wilma Winfrey.

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AND NOW A WORD FROM SOMEBODY WHO MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME...