"Much More W Not So Much S"

2009
Mar
12

For those of you who are bemoaning not being able to attend SXSW this year, I’m offering a “virtual alternative”. Since here in the Central Coast part of California is as far SW as you can be in the US and still on dry land (It’s true! Look at the shape of California! San Diego is farther South, but quite a ways EAST!), I’ll be hosting a festival I call CCCXWWWW (Central California Coast by Wendell’s World Wide Web) or TAWTAABIWUAPBAA (Took A Wrong Turn At Albuquerque But I Wound Up At Pismo Beach After All). The major events include:

AGIFF (Arroyo Grande International Film Festival) in which they show every movie Zac Efron has ever appeared in (Midnight showing for “Hairspray” because, hey, it was John Waters’ idea)

MIMUPT (Madonna Inn Mens Urinal Peeing Triathalon) The World Famous Tourist Attraction (in the words of Dave Barry, I’m NOT making this up!) will pay host to competitions in (1) distance (2) accuracy (using that one red rock as the target) and (3) legible writing in a pile of artificial snow from the restaurant ice shaving machine. 18 or over admitted only.

WRHMCCF (William Randolph Hearst Memorial Conspicuous Consumption Festival, in the parking lot at Hearst Castle (to accommodate the Hummers and other massive SUVs), hosted by a group of White Collar Criminals on work release from the SLO Mens Colony.

Other side events will include a concert featuring all the American Idol runners-up who have never appeared at the Mid-County Fair (all 3 of them), an appearance at the Niblick Road McDonalds by the Hamburglar who will demonstrate to residents of the North County how to really pronounce “Robles”, and a tribute to Peter Cook (and Dudley Moore, if you insist) at the Frog and Peach pub where Frog ala Peche will be served and unidexters will get half-off.

I will also be leading excursions through the DMZ between SLO and Santa Barbara County to explore “Santa Maria, the Fresno of the Future” (at your own risk, of course).

wendellrednoseThe real reason I’m doing this is as a way to contribute to the Comic Relief Red Nose Day without having to (1) go to England (2) wear a clown nose or (3) give them money I don’t have. There are some intrepidinsane souls who are attempting a 24-hour webcast (as long as they don’t take the webcams with them for bathroom breaks, we might all get through this) for the cause, and various internet-based S.I.P.s (Somewhat Important People) are doing other things (which I hope the link above will keep track of). rednosenetlogoBut if you want contribute actual money (converted to British Pounds, because that’s where they’re based – you didn’t expect an American charity to actually do something cool, did you?) just click on this logo here and may I suggest an “admission fee” of $5 or £3 for each of the virtual events you wish to “attend”? (although the Hearst Conspicuous Consumption Event should be more)

Since there’s no way for me to actually know what you’re contributing to Comic Relief so feel free to leave a comment here with whatever lie you want to make or send a Twitter to @wendelldotme if you know how that works. Thank you, and I promise not to do anything like this for the rest of the year.

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