"From That Memorable Year – LAST!"

2009
Feb
28

Some more Twitter recycling. (I am honestly catching up; this will not go on forever)

You’ve reached the pinnacle, the peak, the acme, the apex, the ceiling, the crest, the zenith. Or maybe the pinochle, the peek, the acne, the apteryx, the sealing, the crust, the xerox.

It’s a flavor explosion! Or a flavor meltdown! Or a flavor mix that gets hot, starts foaming and strips the wax off your table

When I’m in line behind people having a conversation in another language, I always act like I understand what they’re saying. I look attentive, nod, occasionally mumble “uh huh”… it usually keeps them from talking about ME…

Another Economic Bill passed Congress – with amendments: the Financial Utility Buffering Act Revised – FUBAR.

I never got really questioned my sexuality. I let my ex-wife do it.

Lawyer jokes? This is taking attorney for the worse.

Rapture Counter-Argument: We’re NOW in the Tribulations, Rapture already occurred, but so few people made the cut it wasn’t noticed.

Aren’t “one in the same” and “one and the same” pretty much one and the same? This concludes today’s episode of SmartAss Corner

Actors from Mad Men can only appear on other shows set in the present if they wear “mirror universe” beards. Yes, the women too.

Why is it always “Wall Street vs. Main Street”? What about Wisteria Lane, Broadway, Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Primrose Lane, 57th Street, Sunset Boulevard, Route 66, Pacific Coast Highway, Skid Row and Drury Lane (does anybody care about The Muffin Man’s business)?

Keeping my money under my mattress? Well, let’s just say I’m heavily invested in Comfort Foam.

For Urban School-Age LOLCATS, the Itteh Bitteh Citteh Kitteh Committeh…

(Sept. 28, 2008) “Yesterday’s economic bailout talks were propelled by the need to act swiftly, before McCain wakes up from his nap…”

Like Deepak Tupak in the ad, I’m a human being, not a human doing. More like a human lying on my ass.

I told the guys at CERN “you’re making it too hadron yourself…”

I thought tacky-on particles were what FARK’s content is made of…

L&O Spinoffs:
Years ago I proposed a show about a crime team stationed in a Ford Explorer: “Law & Order: SUV”
If Jerry Orbach was so important to the franchise, then they need “Law & Order: The Broadway Musical”
Based on the “broken windows” policy in NYC, there should be “Law & Order: Extremely Petty Crimes Unit”
“Law & Order: NASDAQ” would have the weekly “who killed the high tech startup?” They’ll never run out of stories.
If they’re going to keep doing stories ‘ripped from the headlines’, they’ll need both “Law & Order: NY Times” & “Law & Order: NY Post”
Considering what NBC really really really needs to save the network: “Law & Order: Cosby” Oh, that’s right, they already did “Cosby Mysteries”. Then how about “Law & Order: Cheers”?
One more in potential bad taste: “Law & Order: WTC”, the serialized story of investigators who are STILL trying to figure out 9/11

I’ve never been a Smooth Operator. Do you need a license to operate a Smooth?

If it weren’t for Gaffers, we would never have any Blooper Reels, right?

The Perfect Tweet: “Traffic stopped, iPhone down, Palin idiot, stock crashed, doc says cancer but new sushi place great!”

The difference between “I <3 the 80s" and "I <3 the 80s 3D"? The illusion that it's closer than it really is?

@wordpress I don't wanna go to WordCamp! I wanna stay WordHome with my WordFriends and sleep in my own WordBed!

You know Mexican Coca-Cola factories still use cane sugar? Right now, I think it's smuggled into Calif. more than the other Coke.

Don Rickles never made it into the "Rat Pack"; he had a totally other Pack of his own. Every time I'd hear the name of one of the other comedians who "liked to hang out with Don" I was surprised… Don Adams, Tim Conway, Bob Newhart… THAT's a Pack. A Hockey Puck Pack.

name drop: I grew up in the San Fernando Valley two blocks from the house Tim Conway bought when he got his first acting job and never moved out of.

I once took solace. They made me put it back.

Did I miss the Twittermeme of the Day? [Substitute Hobo for Hero] I guess it'd take a hoboic effort to find one that hasn't already been done….
But did anyone mention the Greek historian Hobotocus? Or Hoba, the Goddess of Love and Marriage?
Did anybody admit to being addicted to hoboin?
How about the wading bird, the Great Blue Hobon?
Or the wrestler-turned-actor Dwayne ThoBock Johnson?
Would mentioning the Jeep Chobokee be taking this too far?
Still, I'll bet hoboes put off strong phobomones…
Getting a little obscure: Hobophilos
What about the other side? Hobos and Violins? Hobos and Vermins? Hobos and Vulcans? Hobos and Millions?

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: JOE SIX-PACK NEEDS A 12-STEP.

I blame kitties for our current economic crisis with their Adjustable Rate Litterboxes and Derivative Scratching Posts.

The disturbing part is the first thing I noticed about “FLILF” is that it’s a palindrome.

Why am I having such trouble with the acronyms/ initials of current TV shows? T:SCC is obviously Truthiness: Stephen Colbert’s Cribs

Life in a non-battleground state is relatively free of bomb craters, unexploded ordinance and unapproved messages.

I support Human Clowning. As for cloning, it’s the least fun reproductive method I can think of.

The failure of current food technology: “Tasty nutritious pellets.” Pick any two.

Weather finally cooling… a good sign because I’m overheated, undermotivated, overcarbonated and underdressed.

How was it the “Dean Scream” destroyed his candidacy but none of McCain’s strange noises have done him any electoral damage? Oh, yeah, that’s right, only Republicans are allowed to be inarticulate… and adulterers.

What’s the opposite of a Mountain Dew? Mountain Don’t? Canyon Dew? Prairie Dust?

CLICHE DEBUNKING: I’ve been up all night (not sick and not drunk), and it does get noticeably less dark in the last hour before dawn.

Land-O-Lakes is the Official Cheese of LOL.

I had enough trouble accepting “The Green Burrito” as not advertising moldy food, but “Pink Taco”? Like Hooters South of the Border?

My favorite Scanahoovian-sounding word is Bösendorfer. It’s a brand of piano but could be almost anything! The ship docks at Bösendorfer. He acts like a real Bösendorfer. OW! You hit me in the Bösendorfer! The Bösendorfer comes through here every night. Keep off the Bösendorfer! The Bösendorfer Effect. Death by Bösendorfer.

Gibson? Which one? William, Charlie, Mel, Henry, Deborah-formerly-Debbie, John, Don or Hoot? (Henry’s my favorite)

Why hasn’t some Safe Sex advocate ever hired This Old Master Carpenter Norm Abrams to do his “safety glasses” speech reworded for condoms?

Are you sure that’s your biological clock ticking? It could be your biological hard drive about to fail…

“Tragically delicious” is the advertising line for Yucky Charms.

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