"Twitterer’s Digest IV (not intravenous)"


In which I get my repurposed Twitterings pretty much caught up and prepare to return to more “blogging as usual”, whatever that is:

Stimulusdebate quote: “restart the American prosperity engine.” But it’s like a car I used to have. It’ll restart but stall again after a few blocks.

If you ever fall to temptation ay Baskin-Robbins, you can always say “I said no to 30 out of 31 flavors… well, 29”.

Okay, “King”, I’ve had Angry Whoppers 2 different places. One was angrier than other. Are you zoning for jalapeno tolerance?

This Is Why You’re Fat.com? Honestly, it isn’t. Really. I am definitely fat, and almost everything in that blog looks totally disgusting to me. It’s the stealth calories that made me too much of what I am… “but a Taco Salad can’t be that fattening… It’s a salad!”

Everybody cut foot loose? I tried that once, but the surgeons reattached it.

I keep thinking “shouldn’t that be Australian BRushfires?” but no, it’s in the Australian Bush. And Bushfires don’t care about black or white people.

The way I heard it, the Energizer Bunny was working together with the Morton “Rains/Pours” Girl on a case of a salt and battery.

Yes, Twitter is a Family Medium… that includes Sly and the Family Stone, the Addams Family and the Manson Family.

“Twitter is Conversation Squared” or conversation cubed or conversation rounded or conversation rounded down or conversation times pi or the cotangent of conversation.

I personally find “25 Random Things About Me” to be 26 Things Too Many!

Why can’t I look at the word lobotomy without immediately thinking of the “bottle in front o’ me” pun? I must be seriousophobic.

And Chinese LOLCATs go “LMAO!”

I thought SoccerMoms were the ones who kicked their kids around without using their hands (and HockeyMoms use sticks).

“Octomom” sounds like a Spiderman villain? They’re rewriting the Spidey4 script at this very moment.

In America we believe in learning from others’ mistakes so that we can duplicate them perfectly.

For #followfriday, I follow @thesun @themoney @myheart @up and @jaylenoonmostofthesesamestations

My 10,000th Tweet: Where does a 10,000 pound canary perch? Anywhere it wants. What does a 10,000 pound canary say? TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

The pun is mightier than the s-word, or even the f-word.

BSG quote: “Does the pot say to the potter why hast though made me thus?” If your pot is talking to you, time to put the bong down Phelps.

There’s a #hashtagmafia on Twitter?!? That explains why somebody left the head of the Fail Whale in my bed.

Most of the buckets on my bucket list are currently in use catching rain leaking through the roof. Need a waterproof file list.

My contributions to a Tank Pun War:
Q: What do you call nostagia for tank warfare? A: Tanks for the memories.
Q: What to you call the soldier who sits on top of the tank? A: A tank top.
Q: What do they call an armored vehicle with an inebriated driver? A: A drunk tank.

Considering “Sham” is part of the product’s name, isn’t “ShamWow imitator” kind of redundant?

Major Bugaboo was a character in a supposed Gilbert & Sullivan operetta that was found to actually be written by Ogden Nash.

The winners don’t usually write the history books until they’re through shredding the books written by the losers.

Costco has more shoppers who suffer from terminal levels of “Entitlement” than any other store.

“What if everything collapses?” Then we get a truly even playing field. Flat, that is.

A Babylon 5 Fan is:
Somebody who believes Wil Wheaton is just a Bill Mumy wannabee.
Somebody who wakes up every morning with Centauri hair.
Somebody who believes Mira Furlen was the best thing ever to happen to “Lost”.
Somebody who prefers Walter Koenig without the cheezy accent.
Somebody who would rather be a Ranger than a Jedi.
Somebody who knows “No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There’s always a boom tomorrow. Boom, sooner or later…Boom!”
Somebody who knows somebody (or has been somebody) exactly like Zathras.

Change of subject: A Farscape fan is someone who is not afraid of Muppets.
Or someone who’d rather be Frelled than Frakked.

I have never known an Ayn-Rand-loving Independent Contractor who didn’t overcharge for shoddy work.

Las Vegas is “America’s Emptiest City”? Sure, after Wall Street made investing the same as gambling it was inevitable.

The Bumper Sticker Remix Challenge:
“I’m so far behind, I’ve lapped myself”
“Say ON to Dyslexia”
“Irreverent Never Regrets”
“If it ain’t broke, you’re not using it enough”
“Mistakes Were Maid”
“A Breakfast Without Orange Juice Is An Early Lunch”
“If It’s Crappy and You Know It, Poop Your Pants!”
“My Grown Kid Was An Honor Student And Still Makes Less Than I Did At The Same Age”
but sometimes, a bumper sticker remix can go horribly wrong: “Jesus Is Coming… Zoom In For The Money Shot”

When StarWars was just starting out, I wrote a little satirical sci-fi: “Darth Nader, Interplanetary Consumer Advocate”. If I’d known then where both of those personalities would end up…

Wonder what would happen if you mixed Mighty Putty with Silly Putty. Something Mighty Silly I guess.

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