"Twitterer’s Digest #2"

2009
Jan
26

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I remember when I used to drop one “a” from the name to make Kawaski, the Polish Motorcycle.

It’s sad that so many righties are now claiming Bush was not a “real conservative”, when he essentially perfected conservatism. How do I know he perfected it? Because Conservatism is so totally flawed, it had to collapse and take everything with it. Just like the USSR perfected Communism.

@gnauss said: Protip: If you’re too stupid to figure out how to use the self-checkout, DON’T USE THE SELF-CHECKOUT, YO U GODDAMNED MORON!
I replied: I disagree, it should be DON’T USE THE SELF-CHECKOUT IF ANYBODY IS THERE AHEAD OF YOU. Too high a chance of moronity.

I didn’t even know the phrase “life-changing experience” when I was 10 (and the JFK assassination happened when I was 8).

Huh. 14 hours of almost-consecutive sleep (including 7½ of today’s 10½ daylight hours on a rather nice day). Like most lo-o-ong sleeps, included epic dream of me wandering around some incredibly constructed city. Sleep. It’s where I’m an architect.

The best thing about Saskatoon must be telling people you’re in Saskatoon. Pismo Beach is fun to say too, and MUCH WARMER.

schoolhouse-rock-bill-100 Bill is my least threatening animated gif… If I use him as a Twitter Avatar, I just hope he doesn’t get a sheetload of amendments thrown on him.

@joshmillard started “King Midas’ lesser-known relatives” with “Princess Delia “Dell” Midas, who turned everything she touched into warrantied, refurbished replacements of whatever it was originally”, “Orville, Duke of Midas, who touched everything gold he saw out of a mix of OCD and a misapprehension of causality” and “Viscount Bernard Midas-Madoff, who made brisk business selling packages of to-be-turned-into-gold securities before he was beheaded.”
I added:
Ronald McMidas: everything he touched suddenly had a “Mc” added to it (and its nutritional value cut in half)
Bill O’Midas: everything he touches turns into AN OUTRAGE (too easy).
Morrissey Midas: Everything he touched turned Emo.
Uwe Midas: Everything he touched… do I have to finish this one?
And the Midas relative accused of being a suicide bomber; everything he touched turned to BOOM but he could only do it once.
One more: Ev Midas: Everything he touched became immensely popular but impossible to monetize. *rimshot*

During the BigHonkingDealAppleKeynoteThingy, Twitter was backed up worse than constipated restaurant critic. I was so happy when it was over… I never want anyone to think it took me 30-40 minutes to come up with a snarky reply.

Am I the only one who was really hoping Harriet, the nosy neighbor girl on “Small Wonder”, would hurry up and learn Vicki’s secret so the writers would be forced to come up with something else? (I never felt that way about Gladys, the nosy neighbor on “Bewitched”)

@JoeTheDough I think you have come up with the ultimate term of invective: “cuntard” insults or offends in at least 5 different ways. (I’d like to apologize to anyone sincerely offended by just looking at that word. Still, if you’re going to insult someone, it’s quite a word)

An article says “navel-gazing” is a barrier to happiness, but I’m VERY happy with my navel. It’s one of my best features!

WIRED headline: Twitter Hacker Says Admin Password Was ‘Happiness’ Yes, but a fleeting happiness …and Hackiness is a Warm Gun. Or a Worn Pun.

Speaking of happiness, I feel like I need a Warm Puppy right now. How long should I put it in the microwave for? (JUST KIDDING!!!!)

I have been plated and served. But never fully digested.

@sohmer designed a “Rock Band spin-off” so I had to ask “Can you do the same with Big Band, Marching Band, Rubber Band, Watch Band, Wedding Band, Band of Brothers or Ban(ne)d in Boston?”

SIENFELD FANS: “Anti-Dentite” no longer means person prejudiced against dentists. Now it’s one of the 1000s of bloggers who formerly worked for Nick Denton.

@SpaceKitty Twittered that “The universe provides. 🙂 ” That sentence always seems to be missing a final noun. Life? Hope? Love? Bullshit? Spam? Rain? Bad popstars? Stuffed ferrets?

Bleacher Seating? I never knew it took a special chair to dye your hair blonde.

“king of new media” is a title nobody can hold onto for long, like “Al Queda’s #2 in Iraq”

“I get back up, then I fall down again, nobody’s gonna hold me up…” That’s the lyric, right?

Twittered by @cshirky: “Everyone has decided to let me do what I want to do, but only make it convenient to do what they want me to do.” That is what I have always considered “the best deal you’re ever gonna get”.

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya Jr. You killed my father and his father. Will you adopt me?”

@JohnCleese Twittered: “Wages are all out of wack. It would be fairer if people were paid alphabetically!” OH CRAP. We “W”s get screwed again.

My HappyTweet score is 495. I am “Somewhat Happy” on Twitter. Off Twitter, I live in constant Euphoria.

Twitter wins the Crunchie Award for “Best Founders”. Take a Twit to lunch. Order something crunchy.
The presenter of the “Best Founder” award said “Founders create jobs”; coming up next: the award for “Best CEO”, the guys who destroy jobs.
Award presenter from Microsoft said “I love start-ups… they’re so squishy between our toes.”
Facebook beat Twitter for the “Best Overall” Award… I’ve seen Mark Zuckerberg in his overalls, and I must agree.

If you ended the #bushyears better off than you started, then most likely you got away with something very very wrong. I know I did.

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