"Hollow Weiner"

2006
Oct
27

One good thing about my current status of living very alone is that I can be selective about what occasions to recognize, learned from my cranky old father who gave up Christmas after my mother died, At first, the rest of the family feared it was a sign he was falling into a state of depression, but no, it was just a feeling of relief about never being nagged into putting up Christmas lights and go gift shopping anymore (and later on, I learned personally what falling into depression is really like).

Now, I am not going to give up Christmas myself (no nagging is needed for me to deck the halls), but for me, Halloween is history. Nope. Not gonna do it. No costumes (the expense of finding something in my size, the fact that my most imaginative costume ideas are behind me and a lack of practical things I’d like to dress up as – no way I can ever make myself look like Locke from ‘Lost’ or Bloo from ‘Foster’s’) and no candy (my favorite sweets have always been chocolate, and the last time I ate chocolate I got surprisingly ill – and it wasn’t that large a quantity, thank you). Nope, no Halloween. The Day of the Dead is Dead To Me. I am proudly going to be the cranky old guy with his lights out when the trick-or-treaters come around, and being at one end of a triplex, I’m betting that the kids will decide ‘two-out-of-three-ain’t-bad’ and not bother to TP my place. (I will follow-up on whether I’m correct)

And I’d like to thank my colleagues at the “5Top” list at MSNBC.com for providing backup for my opinion, via a list (NOT written by me, Helen A.S. Popkin gets the credit) of the Worst Adult Halloween Costumes. Although, some of the outfits on sale on the Web are even worse (but probably not weblishable by a SFW site). I’ll try to be subtle about this, but be forwarned before you click these links, and please don’t buy what they’re selling or I’ll totally lose my respect for you…

Speaking of TP, and inspired, no doubt, by South Park’s Mr. Hanky, are the costumes for “Bull S#!t”, “Chicken S#!t”, “Hot S#!t”, “Holy S#!t”, “Tough S#!t”, “No S#!t Sherlock”, “Talking S#!t”, “S#!t Hits the Fan” and the “Poo Poo Platter”. Or you could always go out in public as a private part: Male or Female. (But not if you’re 14 years old)

Another blogger known as “Baby Hatchetface” has been running a series of posts on Inappropriate Halloween Costumes (with pictures). But personally, what I fear most is a Baby Hatchetface costume.

UPDATE: Another reason to avoid Halloween. The Evil Fox News dot com is running an article on “killer do-it-yourself costumes”, including “Clark Kent” (dress mild-manneredly with Superman t-shirt under partially unbuttoned dress shirt) and “Sudoku” (requires two large pieces of cardboard). No, I’m not going to link to them.

ADDENDUM: This is the 40th anniversary of “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”. That is certainly long enough.

3 Comments (so far) about

"Hollow Weiner"

  1. gomichild Says:

    As an Australian living in Japan I’ve never really understood the Halloween hype.

    So from my point of view you aren’t really missing out on anything at all – except from being disturbed by strangers dressed up weirdly ringing your door bell and wanting stuff.

  2. M.B. Says:

    Oddly, I’d sooner keep Halloween and let Christmas pass, personally….

    (Halloween has always been my favorite holiday!)

  3. Buddy Butler Says:

    You’d be surprised how many of those disgusting excremental Halloween costumes on your list are sold out.

    Or maybe you wouldn’t be surprised!

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