"If It Talks Like a Pirate and Walks Like an Egyptian It Must Be a Duck"


Ay, me hearties and me liveries, ’tis Talk Like a Pirate Day, tha now-almost-traditional day fer landlubbers to find a new lubb, prosthetic devices to go Old Skool, Disney to count their movie money, tha MPAA and ArrrrIAA to stay home an hide their heads under their pillows and the linguistic standards of the Web to become, not necessarily better, but certainly more consistant.

I like ta think I been slightly ahead of tha pirate trend. 20-plus years ago, fer Halloween, I put together a “Computer Pirate” costume what included a pocket protector full of tiny toy swords, a hand hook with 5-inch floppy disks strung on it, white socks, a black eye patch and, instead of a parrot on my shoulder, I had a penguin. And that was YEARS before Linux.

Fer ye refarrrrence, here be a guide ta translatin’ gangsta rap talk ta pirate talk.

I’ve already spoken highly of the “It’s drivin’ me nuts!” joke, and I assume you all know how much a pirate pays to get his ears pierced: A buck an ear! So, me buck-os, buckettes and buckwits, thar’s nothin to do but me fave part of the Pirate Talk rituals… the “Arrrr” puns!

Why were real pirates disappointed in the Disney pirate movies? They weren’t rated Arrrrrrr!

What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food place? Arrrrrrby’s!

And a pirate’s favorite vegetable? Arrrrrrtichokes!

What kinda socks do pirates wear on their non-peg legs? Arrrrrrgyle!

What do pirates study in college? Liberal Arrrrrrts!

EDIT: the last part of this post, containg several more ‘Arrrrrr’ puns mysteriously disappeared. If this weren’t Talk Like a Pirate Day, I’d suspect ninjas. For the benefit of those who, like Ken Jennings, never heard of ’em, I’ll complete the one cut off in the middle.

Who does a pirate’s tax return? H and Arrrrrr Block!

2 Comments (so far) about

"If It Talks Like a Pirate and Walks Like an Egyptian It Must Be a Duck"

  1. Iron Mary Flink (aka M.B.) Says:

    Ahoy, matey!
    Not to be picky, but you might be missin’ an “Arrrr” on the end of that last line.

  2. Iron Mary Flint(aka M.B.) Says:

    that’s Flint (with a “t”)
    (Arrrr! I be needin’ a cup of coffee before I comment in the morning…)

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