"Words Worth the Paper They’re Written On"


My paper towels have quotes on them. The Sparkle brand towels have some kind of semi-abstract flowers going down the outside edges, while in the middle are the words:

If you love life, life will love you back – Arthur Rubinstein (the pianist)

The greatest happiness in the world is to make others happy – Luther Burbank (the botanist)

With every rising of the sun,
think of your life as just begun – Anon (the annoyingly prolific writer)

Okay, a little uplifting philosophy to greet you while you sop up the spilled spaghetti sauce on the kitchen floor. Certainly better than towels printed with “YOU SLOB! CLEAN UP THIS AWFUL MESS YOU’VE MADE”.

The website for Sparkle towels has a Gallery of Print Designs, and strangely, this design is not in there. It does have some words on some of its “Nature” designs. The “Butterfly Zen” features the statement “nature forever puts a premium on reality” between the butterflies, and “Dragonflies” shows two quotes, “In the present, every day is a miracle” – James Gould Cozzens (Pulitzer Prize winning novelist for “Guard of Honor”), and “The future belongs to those who live intensely in the present” – that Anon dude again. I guess it’s useful, after all, if you don’t clean up the spaghetti sauce with your paper towels in the present, it’ll dry and you have to use a scrubber, which is too small to put good quotes on. The “Ocean” designs include “Life’s Simple Pleasures”, which has little pictures of a sun, a sailboat and an island with the words “The Simple Pleasures in Life” running between them. (Sparkle’s towel designers have obviously never experienced the less-pleasurable parts of boat ownership) And “My Destination” has sailboats and little fishy things around the non-attributed quote “I can’t change the direction of the wind, / but I can adjust my sails / to always reach my destination.” Yeah, but to get there in less than a week, sometimesyou need the auxiliary motor. After that, it’s all Sesame Street, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (the Rankin-Bass version – only available during the Christmas season, which I believe has already started) and Scooby Doo designs, including one called “Scooby Snacks”. Based on the number of designs, Scooby is a lot messier than Rudolph or the Sesame Street gang. Or the Sparkle people are using their towels as rolling papers.
And then there’s the “Sparkle Racing Team” featuring Jeff Gordon, although based on the pictures of his car, Sparkle is pretty much number 2 to “DuPont” as his sponsor. But it makes sense. DuPont makes a lot of things you might spill and have to clean up with a paper towel (and plenty of things that could dissolve a paper towel in nothing flat). It’s just nice to know that somebody’s working hard to keep his pit clean.

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