"I’m a Wiener! (one in a very occasional series)"


As you may know, I exercise my creative muscles from time to time and remind myself how to write pieces of less than 3000 words by entering caption contests. I was a proud runner-up in April Winchell’s ShitiBank Slogan competition and once won the semi-presigious Edge Curve Caption Contest (plus a couple “Runners Up” as well as gettingHonorable Mentionoodles and oodles and oodly oodles of times). vesta200.jpgSo it comes as less of a surprise and more of an overdue honor that I have won the mentalfloss.com “identify the colorful blob contest” (Most Creative But Totally Inaccuate Answer) with The terrible scene after Rainbow Brite jumped off the Empire State Building.”

And yes, I did make several other entries, which were:

?Walt Disney?s Wonderful World of Color (after Mr. D attended a ?60s screening of ?Fantasia? with a pot-smoking audience)”

A 99-mile-an-hour fastball at the instant it hits the umpire?s mask.
A sample of Pizza Hut?s rejected line of ?ALL artificial ingredients pizzas?.

A screenshot of Windows Vista?s relacement for ?the blue screen of doom?.

Or just the latest picture from Lebanon by a certain photographer who used to work for Reuters.

Of course, I live just a few miles east of the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant (really!), and one of the pictures almost perfectly matches the nighttime view from my front porch.

So I have won a fabulous prize valued at over $12.95 (with shipping and manhandling)!!! I feel so darn honored, I must take the acceptance speech I?ve been saving for just such an occasion out of my pocket (If you’ve already read it at one of the many other places I’ve posted it, just skip ahead one paragraph).

I can?t tell you how honored this makes me feel, but my therapist has told me I should be able to after a couple more years of twice-weekly sessions. Unfortunately, he used to be Woody Allen?s therapist, but I digress. I?d like to thank (the academy/the committee/the voters/the 20-sided dice) that decided I was deserving of this honor, as well as my agent (how he?s gonna get ten percent of this book I have no idea) and I?d especially like to thank my parents for making all of me possible, but that?s another issue I?m working on with my therapist. And finally, I?d like to thank the Asteroid Vesta, the NASA technicians and their dealer and especially the lovely Rainbow Brite, without whose horrible death this wouldn?t have been possible. On behalf of partially-warped minds with cable internet access everywhere, I?d like to say, get off the stage; I won this all by myself.

On top of that, those wonderful folks at mentalfloss.com (who are the same people as mental_floss magazine, just not allowed to use that underscore by the Evil Overlords of the Internet) have quoted my Pluto-free planet mnemonic elsewhere in their blog, linking back to someplace on this site (which I have now made into an infinite loop of links from which you readers will never escape! Bwahahaha!). Now, if you will excuse me, I need to let some air out of my head.

1 Comment (so far) about

"I’m a Wiener! (one in a very occasional series)"

  1. WendellWit » Blog Archive » You have the right to remain silent, to have an attorney, and to have fries with that Says:

    […] Did I mention before how many times I’ve gotten at least an “Honorable Mention” in the EdgeCurve Caption Game? Oh, I did. Well, I have again, and normally, I’d take my multiple entries that didn’t get acknowledged and make a blog post out of them, but I can’t really do that, because they gave me “HM” for four – count ‘em four – of my seven entries, and the best one of the three remaining is the title of this post, which leaves me… Donald McRonald was the first to be convicted of a felony under the new copyright law. […]

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