"Kill All the Lawyers AFTER I File This Lawsuit"

2006
Jul
29

A Net Neighbor jokingly suggested suing Al Gore for his Internet Addiction. After all, it was Al who “took the initiative” while he was simply “uncontrollably addicted”. I see his point, but I think there are much deeper pockets a good lawsuit could dig into.
There’s Tim Berners-Lee, who really DID invent the World Wide Web, but has probably profited from it even less than Gore. Definitely AOL, for handing out all those disks like pushers hand out free samples, Yahoo! for their original web directory, Google for that damn search engine AND all the ads, and the Mozilla Project for Firefox, the browser that makes me feel less guilty than IE does. HP shares some responsibility for manufacturing the laptop that allows me to websurf without sitting at a desk. Another individual who must be included is Peter Merholz, the blogger who coined the word “blog” (but I suspect there’s quite a line of litigators ahead of me). Charter Communications is my local cable provider who offered cable internet in its package with HBO with absolutely no warning of the potential harm! AT&T and Verizon are the largest owners of parts of the actual internet infrastructure (but less than 50% – so far); those are very deep pockets. ICANN, the agency set up to assign all those clever domain names, should be held responsible for something. I can include all the webmasters, bloggers and corporate media behind all the sites in my Bookmarks (723 at last count) especially those bandwidth suckers at YouTube who aren’t going to have any money left in six months so I’d better hurry. And finally, Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, for giving me the mental image of the Internet as tubes, which always makes me feel like I have to go to the bathroom. But then, so does Texas Hold ‘Em, every time I get a flush on the river (Maybe outlawing internet poker isn’t such a bad idea).

1 Comment (so far) about

"Kill All the Lawyers AFTER I File This Lawsuit"

  1. John Butler Says:

    It would nice if you could show a picture of Peter “Blog Me” Merholz, so we would all know who to blame when we run into him.

    I Googled him and he looks just as geeky as the rest of us who are hooked on this.

    http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-20,GGLG:en&q=peter+merholz

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