"Hooboy for Hollywood"

2006
Jul
13

As a sometimes writer about the World of Entertainment, I susbscribe to email newsletters that cover more than just the three hot celebrity stories that are all over the mainstream media. Which does me absolutely no good since the mainstream media has already decided not to cover these stories. But some of them are so… well, weird… I have to share them with somebody. So relax. I’m forcing you to read this:

Miami ad agency Crispin Porter & Bogusky is pitching a Burger King movie project to Hollywood studios in search of a distribution and possibly co-financing deal, according to executives familiar with the situation.

Only if the creepy-masked Burger King mascot becomes the next Freddy Krueger, that I’d get behind. I also love the name of the third partner of that agency: Bogusky. Yeah, he’s a real person…

Casting Call: Are you a NYC area resident who is having a major or a minor conflict with a co-worker, sibling, boyfriend or girlfriend? Then this new primetime reality show produced by celebrity comics show is looking for you! The problems can be big or small, yet the more outrageous the better and they must be between two men or two women. Why relate conflict between same sexes? Selected candidates will be physically duking it out on the show, and the producer think it will be a more even fight between members of the same sex. Winners will receive cash or other prizes. Send an email convincingly explaining your problem and who it is with, be sure to include your age, phone number and pictures of the two people involved to: problemstvshow@yahoo.com. Only real problems should be submitted to be considered for an in-person interview.

Yes, that is their real email address. I DARE YOU.

Team Baby Entertainment, a producer of sports DVDs for babies/toddlers, has entered into a licensing deals with the NBA, NASCAR Images, and Major League Baseball Productions to develop and release a new series of DVD titles. Additionally, Team Baby has expanded its relationship with Collegiate Images and will add a number of NCAA titles from colleges/universities. Michael Eisner’s Torante Company acquired Team Baby Entertainment last month.

Two words you just never hear together: TEAM and BABY. (And the first two NBA titles will be “Baby Heat” and “Baby Maverick”.) Just because Michael Eisner’s no longer running Disney doesn’t mean he can’t do damage to our culture.

CoLours TV (www.colourstv.org) is a multicultural network delivering public interest programs which features and targets an urban audience that is ethnically diverse, sophisticated and tech savvy. Created in March 2000, the not-for-profit TV network offers cross-cultural programming that centers on urban audiences’ lifestyles and interests. (so far, OK)

Programming Highlights: (yes, I am cherry-picking the worst ones)

  • Japanese anime block A 2-hour daily syndicated block recently acquired from FUNimation Entertainment airing 10 p.m. – midnight (how unsurprising)
  • Global Cinema Showcase This series include new indie films and classics with celebrity discussions, hosted by Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters!!!)
  • Black Life in Japan A magazine program which follows the exploits of host Dan Smith as he profiles prominent people of color living and working in Japan (dare I say it? a very short series with a very small target audience?)
  • Asian Variety Show (AVS) A 60-minute show on the best of Bollywood music, movies, variety, celeb events and interviews (Hooray for Bollywood!)
  • 8101 A new talk show program that combines a multi-ethnic guest list with a live studio audience (do not let Jerry Springer within 5 miles of this show)
  • Ethnic Health America This 30-minute show provides expert advise on health issues that are relevant to ethnic communities in the U.S. (hey, the Bird Flu don’t care where you’re from…)
  • The Zone A behind-the-scenes look at the Underground Hip Hop Music Scene (isn’t the OVERground hip hop scene scary enough?)
  • Noche De Salsa The latest Latin music videos with hostess Dela (available in Hot Dela, Medium Dela, and Gringo Debbie)
  • Big City Produced in Houston, this new urban music video show brings the latest Rap, Rock, R&B, and Latin Hit Music videos and celeb hotspots with hostess model/actress Neferteri Shepherd (has Houston gotten permission to call itself a Big City? but you gotta repect Neferteri – one weird name that is GOOD-weird)
  • TV Reggaeton A program centering on the reggaeton music genre, produced in partnership with Steve Harvey’s production company Nu Opp Inc. (now we know whatever happened to Steve Harvey)
  • Cruzin TV The latest in cars and music (STEREOTYPE ALERT! STEREOTYPE ALERT!)

Meanwhile, on another channel…

Oxygen Network will debut the second season of Mo’Nique’s F.A.T. Chance, the reality beauty contest for plus-sized women, on July 15 at 8p. Ten women will compete to earn the title of Miss F.A.T. (Fabulous and Thick) and prizes that include $50,000 in cash.

Please note that this is NOT a show for the CoLours channel, but a definate possibility for SiZes TV.

08/08/08. Circle your calendar. By the time the United States Olympic team arrives in Beijing, China, on that day for the 2008 Summer Games, plans are in place to make basketball star LeBron James — make that Brand LeBron — into a global icon.

So, since 06/06/06 didn’t work out, we can now plan ahead for 08/08/08 to be THE APOCALYPSE!!!

ADDENDUM: And five minutes after I weblish this magnmopus of silliness, the following headline lands in my email box:

Obopay, a developer/creator of mobile payment systems, has entered into a deal with Amp’d Mobile, a youth-centric mobile entertainment company, to offer a new mobile payment service, Obopay-Amp’d.

All I can say to that are the immortal words spoken by Scott Bakula on “Quantum Leap”: “Oh boy…”

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