"Every Day (in May) is a Holiday!"


Sorry I wasn’t able to deliver the NEW and IMPROVABLE OneSwellFoop NetWorks on the first of May as I had semi-promised, but the recent cluster of holidays really messed things up, and the interruptions aren’t over yet. Last week, as I noted, we had Administrative Professionals Day, so I had to give my Assistant-Who-Knows-More-Than-I-Do (or AWKMTID) some time off, and Friday was Arbor Day so I had to give my wood office furniture some time off.

Then Monday was Day Without Immigrants Mass Protest Day and since my AWKMTID is an immigrant – actually he’s only half-immigrant on his father’s side, so he had to take Monday AND Tuesday off – and he had the keys to the internet… Wednesday was National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, and my AWKMTID is also a teenage girl on MySpace… Wednesday was also World Press Freedom Day, so I ended up spending the whole day trying to get 1000 copies of the First Amendment done at Kinko’s.

Today, Thursday, is the National Day of Prayer here in the U.S.ofA., and considering the state of the country today, I have a lot of praying to do. Then Friday is Cinco de Mayo, the day when non-Mexicans act like they think Mexicans do, so I’m going to be joining a mass protest somewhere. Besides, it’s also No Pants Day, which coincidentally is part of how I celebrate Cinco de Mayo, and Saturday is Astronomy Day, so I’ll still have my pants off to do some mooning. Fortunately, it’s also National Nurses Day, who coincidentally are the people I have most often mooned (I blame hospital gowns). Then Monday is International Red Cross Day, which just makes the three-day period optimal for calling in sick. Next Tuesday is National Teachers Day, so I’ll be going back to school, followed on Wednesday by National Receptionist Day, and if I don’t give the Receptionist the same time off I gave the Administrative Professionals last week, I won’t be getting my phone calls for the rest of the year. Somewhere amid all this is International Midwives Day, and if I don’t give the Midwife the same time off I gave the Receptionist and the Administrative Professionals, I won’t be getting any deliveries…

Then Monday the 15th is Peace Officers Memorial Day, when I traditionally turn myself in for my past crimes (and this last year has been a doozy), and Tuesday the 16th is National Bike to Work Day and unfortunately, I only have a stationary exercise bike. The 18th is International Museum Day, when I go to the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum to visit my giant ball of string, the 19th is Malcolm X Day, which I always spend watching ten episodes of “Malcolm in the Middle” (you got your traditions, I got mine, and I am very very very white, okay?), the 20th is Armed Forces Day, when I traditionally turn myself in for being AWOL, and the 21st is National Waiter/Waitress Day, and I’ve got a lot of tipping to do.

The 22nd is International Day for Biological Diversity so I’ll be taking a platypus to lunch, while the 23rd is World Turtle Day, so you know things will be running v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y that day. The 25th is National Missing Childrens Day, Towel Day (inspired by the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy), National Tap Dancing Day and Western Christian Ascension Day, and it’s gonna take me until then just to figure out how I’m going to celebrate all four on the same day.

Then the following monday is Memorial Day, and by then, I most likely won’t remember a thing… so I’ll catch up with you folks in June.

1 Comment (so far) about

"Every Day (in May) is a Holiday!"

  1. steve dubose Says:

    Seldom am I moved to write to anyone about anything. Your piece on Malcom-Not-In-The-Middle was/// is pure poetry.

    I loved your thoughtful, inpired, witty, critque.

    Thank you


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