"Live Bitchily"


For those of you joining this blog in progress, I (1) am a fan of April Winchell’s blog and (2) frequently enter online contests for short and silly writing, so, when the Bloggoddess herself invited suggestions for satirical citibank slogans*, I had a million of ’em…

Stop worrying about your money. We’re not giving it back to you.

Learn to laugh at yourself the way we bankers laugh at you.

Keep telling yourself “Living well is the best revenge”. And put down the gun.

Let us know if you find something money can’t buy.

Good health is priceless. The resale value of healthy organs is always high.

Enjoy your time with your family now, before they find out you’ve spent their inheritance.

Make paper airplanes with those 14 credit card applications we send you every month.

A penny saved won’t cover our service charges.

The price for a pound of flesh is holding steady.

Who needs a power tie when you don’t have any power?

One of my submissions was good enough to make the list of 15 finalists that April’s “wonderful and talented boyfriend John” photoshopped into billboard form…
“The best things in life are way out of your reach anyway. So settle.”
(The ‘WENDELL’ tag at the bottom of the board is my photoslop work, NOT John’s)

I am honored. I am easily honored.

In spite of its being listed third among 15, I have not won Third Place – yet. The final judging is being made by you, the public; however I do not have my own 1-900 umber, you just have to email April. Vote early. Vote often. And if you can’t bring yourself to supporting this pathetic bloghead, here are my other favorite entries:

“It’s not supposed to bend like that.” submitted by steebie
“You’re more than a number to us. You’re a number with a dollar sign.” submitted by john-san
“Remember – old people often forget that they loaned you money.” submitted by newdug
“If you’re happy and you know it, think again.” submitted by curlylee
“Eat right and exercise. Your organs will be worth more.” submitted by bmuller (which is the same joke as one of mine, just better worded, dammit.)

*Due to her blog’s non-existant permalinking, the only link to the original contest is here, right below the tattooed lady. For your own protection, DO NOT click on the links in the tattoo post. Just don’t.

1 Comment (so far) about

"Live Bitchily"

  1. Visitor609 Says:

    I have visited your site 287-times

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