"Old Twitterage… Remembering September 2008"

2009
Jan
25

Putting “Decatur” and “exciting” in the same twitter is an offense punishable by banishment from the internets.

@malki That shirt design is STEAM beyond PUNK, it’s STEAM NEW WAVE or STEAM HEAVY METAL or STEAM INDIE or STEAM HIP HOP or whatever.

Almost time for #doomsday. Best thing about the world ending in an instant is nobody gets to say “I told you so” unless it DOESN’T.

@paulandstorm I am honored to have contributed to the FunModCon splash page (and extra honored to share it with Fatty Nano)

A free idea for @dcagle: Kermit the Frog debating Palin saying “I know Miss Piggy, and you are no Miss Piggy.”

Classic bureaucrat statement from @hurricaneike “public utilities will remain on during the storm, unless they are damaged during.”

I guess Texas has renamed Hurricane Ike as Hurricane YIKES! (And Tina Turner says ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you’) I’ve heard there will be a mass burning of Eisenhower memorabilia in Houston (and President Ike was born in Texas). Sounds like Galveston is now mostly under water. And without the Army Corps of Engineers’ help. After it’s all over, all that’s left of Galveston may be the Glen Campbell song.

Meanwhile, on the West Coast, we have Tropical Depression Lowell. Yes, we are wimps.

Post-Ike News: “those who defied evacuation orders to leave plead for help.” Texas residents acting like New Orleans residents? No Wai!

@TheBrad suggests that adding “Between Your Legs” to a TV/Movie title makes it more awesome. Let me test that: “Law & Order Between Your Legs”, mmkay. “The Office Between Your Legs”, naah. “2 and a Half Men Between Your Legs”, BINGO! Sitcoms usually work: “I Love Lucy Between Your Legs”, “Bewitched Between Your Legs” “Friends Between Your Legs” “Happy Days Between Your Legs” “Everybody Loves Raymond Between Your Legs”… YEEEESH. Star Trek titles are interesting: “Deep Space Nine Between Your Legs”, “Enterprise Between Your Legs” “The Search for Spock Between Your Legs”. And for Whedonites: “Firefly Between Your Legs”, nope. “Serenity Between Your Legs”, better. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer Between Your Legs”, hmmm. “Dr. Horrible Between Your Legs”, YIPES! Okay, let’s finish this: “60 Minutes Between Your Legs”, maybe. “Married With Children Between Your Legs”, NO. JUST NO.

I’m tired of self-righteous relativists doing the “both sides are equally wrong” schtick. It always empowers whichever side is more wrong.

Protemplating, living your life on a prepared template without serious thought about anything… the opposite of contemplating.

I no longer abbreviate The Associated Press as “AP”; I prefer to call them the “AssPress”.

Total WOW idiot Q: I’ve seen some people who say their character’s a “Dwarf Hunter”. A Dwarf who Hunts? Or a Hunter who goes after Dwarves?

Commuter train crashes are just nature’s way of reminding L.A. it shouldn’t have mass transit.

I’ve been underwhelmed and merely whelmed, I’ve hunkered up and I was once a gruntled ex-employee (I was laid off from a job I didn’t like with a large severance check).

Spam in the can will last until the next Big Bang. Once the can is opened, it changes molecular structure 11 times a minute.

Some nefarious supplier seems to be passing off strips of solid salt as bacon to several fast food chains.

Bike Gangs are so passe. Segway Gangs are the new hotness in California.

“Create confusion” is what the Social Web does best.

Just spent an hour chatting with a Crazy Old Guy who needed to borrow some electricity to get his scooter home. The Anti-Twitter. Anyone who can out-chat me on-on-one in real life conditions is formidable. This guy was an Olympic Gold Medal tale-teller. 1/3 of what he said was totally incredible, 1/3 credible but disprovable. No way he could have done everything he said in one lifetime. Half-breed Indian from a reservation hugging the US/Canadian border; fought Pirates in a small boat off the S.Amer. coast and won. After defeating pirates with the help of his 4 young kids, he took enough gold from the pirates to pay for his kids through college. Arrrr! He walked from the Reservation to Alaska when he was 10 years old (but didn’t use it to talk about Palin and I didn’t prompt him). He said he was feeling suicidal when he walked to Alaska; wanted the bears to get him, but they didn’t. He said he took three bullets in the Korean War, showed one credible scar, I didn’t want to see where others were. He also says he helped build the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant near me … and how he did it, maybe I should worry. Yes, I do want to talk to him again, but after an hour his scooter was recharged and I was running out of energy.

I thought Windows Operating Systems were like Star Trek Movies… every other one sucks.

Are you talking about fiber optics or dietary fiber? Oh my, I just realized how those two do essentially the same thing! You mean to tell me Skype is NOT a stool softener product? Ruh roh.

Have you taken a GOOD look at the Django Pony? I suspect if you comb back its mane, you’ll find a stub of a unicorn horn (like Hellboy’s horn stubs). That’s creepy.

I just looked at a strip of raw bacon and thought it resembled lipstick on a pig. MAKE IT STOP!

I’m trying to clean up a cluttered WordPress install. Why did I get a plugin dedicated to “Correctly Spell WordPress”???

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week, try the veal and tip your waitress… Well, I tried the veal and it tasted like chicken. And I tipped the waitress: it wasn’t nearly as much fun as tipping cows.

I still have a problem with kawaii-cutesy software mascots… what if MS got in on the practice? The IE Puppy… grows up to be a b(r)owser. Yes I remember “Clippy”; at least they never released their next-generation mascot: Staply.

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I do not intend the term “attention whore” as a sexist term, and have called MANY men the same thing.

Yahoo’s official color is now purple. Appropriate for a company that with so many bruises. Me, I’m still web 1.0 orange.

I will never forgive Bill Maher for giving Anne Coulter her first major media exposure. And I still suspect it was in exchange for sexual favors.

Twitterfood. Awesome yet terrifying. Tweet and Eat. Microblog meets Microwave. Rachael’s Ray’s “30 Second Meals”.

Eventually, “Anonymous” will find almost everyone (including me) worthy of harassment.
“I did not speak up when they came for the Scientologist, Palinists, other asshole, because I was not an asshole… Then they came for me and, well, those assholes never would’ve come to my defense anyway…”

It’s frustrating for those of us who chose to never grow up that a younger generation has somehow succeeded in being MORE immature.

How could you tell the difference between Talk Like a Ninja Day and Talk Like a Mime Day? Because many people can’t tell the difference between the sounds of ninja victims and beaten mimes.

I thought Tim Burton, LeVar Burton and Richard Burton were all divisions of Halliburton.

Web Standardz Cat Haz Standardz.
WebCat is Whirlled Whyed.
CSSCat haz no tabelz.
And RSSCat Feedz Without Cheezburgers.

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