"Mirth Day"


So, how am I going to celebrate Earth Day? Considering my usual skill in mishandling special occasions, I thought I’d just take a look at what else is going on…

Hmmm… the Pennsylvania Primary, which in honor of Earth Day will have absolutely no paper trail for the voting. Meanwhile, let’s see which companies on Wall Street will be announcing their 1st Quarter Earnings today… AT&T (which should see a big drop since I cancelled their phone service last month), Corn Products International (makers of ethanol, HFCS, Doritos and most of my awfuller jokes), Ethan Allen, Western Union and Dupont (waitaminute… those companies still EXIST?). In media stuff, “Cloverfield” is being released on DVD, allowing millions of confused theatergoers to freeze-frame and say “Is that it? Is that really it?” and Flight of the Conchords have finally issued a real album on CD.

Recent-historically, today is the 8th Anniversary of the Seizing of Elián González, and I used up all my snarky jokes back then on a now-defunct blog. The Mosaic Web Browser is 15 years old, which is 2Kgoogles in web years. On this date, Oklahoma City was founded as part of the “Land Run of 1889” which was a Reality TV show that bombed because, well, TV hadn’t been invented yet.

Famous birthdays: Emmanuel Kant is 284 years old, theoretically. His famous statement “To be is to do” was years later misquoted by Frank Sinatra as “Doobie doobie doo”. Julius Sterling Morton, who founded Arbor Day as kind of a too-narrowly-focused Earth Day is 176. Vladimir Lenin is 138, and in his Russia, older got YOU. Other birthday celebrators include Vladimir Nabokov (who meant to call her Lola but stuttered) 109, Robert Oppenheimer (who was sorry he set us up the bomb) 104, Eddie Albert (now under the Green Acres) 102, Yehudi Menuhin (if he were alive today, he’d be reporting for NPR) 92, Charles Mingus (all his bass now belongs to us) 86 and Aaron Spelling (who doesn’t deserve ALL the blame for how TV turned out) 85. People still alive to celebrate their birthdays include Bettie Page (85), Charlotte Rae (82), Glen Campbell (72), Jack Nicholson (71), John Waters (62), Peter Frampton (58), Paul Carrack (57), Marilyn Chambers (56), and Ryan Stiles coming in with the low score at 49. Now, would somebody who believes in astrology please try to explain what all of them have in common? ANYTHING? I considered making jokes about each of these people but I have to shut down my Blogomanic 1999®™ before dawn or my carbon footprint will block out the sun (returning us to Earth Day).

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