"Predictions for 2008"

2007
Dec
31

Yes, my experience with my 2007 predictions have not discouraged me from getting back on that horse and going back out on a limb (hmmm… I’m beginning to get an idea what I did wrong) with Wendell’s Fearless and Feckless Prognostications for 2008…

  • After failing to get support for bombing Iran, President Bush will do the next best thing: authorizing the Hollywood studios to distribute Nicole Kidman’s last three movies to Iranian theaters.
  • President Bush will take extreme economic actions to ensure that a recession does not begin in 2008, and a full depression starts two weeks after he leaves office.
  • The Administration will finally acknowledge the threat of Global Warming, which will ironically end the threat due to the cooling effect of Hell freezing over.
  • An expanded investigation by Senator Mitchell will reveal that none of the winners of “Survivor” or “Amazing Race” had ever used steroids, but 62% of the winners of “The Price Is Right” have.
  • Apple will introduce a new product that will sell 2 million units before anybody notices it’s called the iGotcha.
  • Confused activists will organize a boycott of the Beach Boys over their purported support of waterboarding.
  • A mob of angry football fans will mistake Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke for New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick and the resulting incident will result in the closing of several banks and the Miami Dolphins.
  • Facebook will introduce a sister site for people who have had bad encounters with the police, and call it “Tazebook”.
  • As the Hollywood Writers Strike drags on, Jay Leno will compensate for a lack of comedy by hiring Ron Paul as Permanent Co-Host.
  • Stephen Colbert, unable to play the character Stephen Colbert due to Union conflicts, will become Rachael Ray.
  • The studios and networks will finally agree to the Writers Union demands after Rupert Murdoch comes to the conclusion that Bill O’Reilly needs some help punching up his act.
  • It will be revealed that the Writer’s Strike was originally instigated by the Producers of “Lost” as a delaying tactic after they realized they were never going to figure out how to end the series.
  • The Fox Network will be charged with unfair labor practices after the new season of “24” shows Jack Bauer waterboarding his writers.
  • After a series of spontaneous combustion incidents involving its E-Book Reader, Amazon will quietly rename it from Kindle to Kindling.
  • Tay Zonday will follow up his web-based hit “Chocolate Rain” with “OMG That’s Not Chocolate, Don’t Try to Catch It on Your Tongue!!”
  • Voting machine problems and other irregularities will force the 2008 Presidential Election to be decided by a waltz-off on “Dancing With the Stars”

Happy New Year in spite of it all…

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