"Cookie Monstrosity"

2007
Dec
5

So I happened to come in contact with Keebler’s E.L.Fudge Cookies and I got a good look at them. Now, they claim to be “elf shaped”…
elfront.JPG
(Excuse the poor reproduction; I just shoved them into my scanner, which is at least better than shoving a cat in a scanner – which if you were a MetaFilter member as long as I have, was a very funny joke)

In reality, they are shaped like some kind of odd silhouette into which the four rotating elf characters have been shoved to fit… Now, I could talk about the elf names – Ernie we know is the main Keebler spokes-elf, and the others apparently have appeared in commercials – Elwood, “Fast” Eddie, and Buckets. Buckets?!? If he’s the ‘Buckets of Fudge’ the ads say the cookies contain, I don’t want to know.

But let’s look at the other side of the sandwich cookie, shall we? Since it would be too much bother to match pictures of the backs of the individual elves to the fronts of the elves, Keebler decided instead to write slogans on the back cookies. And here they are.
elback.JPG

Okay, “Uncommonly Good”… “Uncommonly Made”… “From the Hollow Tree”… and “DUNK HEAD FIRST”?!?
OH. MY. GOD. These cookies are teaching our children how to do WATERBOARDING!!!
(And I thought eating Cheez-Its was torture…)

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