It’s funny sometimes which straw breaks a camel’s back. I have remained mostly silent on the major political issues of the day, except for occasional outbursts of cynicism within the comment threads at MetaFilter. I have considered myself ill-suited and ill-positioned to be an activist on any issue. But as a writer by habit and semi-profession, I do keep an eye out for threats to the First Amendment Freedom of Speech. And while many recent events have caused me concern, one in particular appears to threaten me directly. (Yes, I’m one of those who doesn’t stand up until “my own ox is gored”, but I am standing up now.)

And that event was the vote in the U.S. Senate condemning an established political action organization (MoveOn.org, which pretty much invented web-based political pot-stirring) for making a pun out of a General’s name!


Yes, it’s a pun. A groaner. Even some who agree with the message called it lame. I thought it was pretty funny, but then, you know my taste in punnery.

But when the combined wrath of 72 Senators from both parties come down in condemnation of this bit of wordplay, this may be the most chilling gust of cold wind effect I have yet to see in this Land of the Free Speech.

So, how do I heed this toll-free call to action? Well, [full disclosure] I just made a political contribution to the “offending” organization. This is the first politically-oriented contribution I have made in over 20 years, and, if someone were to look into my political past (and I’m sure someone will now), they’ll see that before I was even old enough to vote, I had volunteered for Richard Nixon’s 1972 Re-election Campaign (I was just making canvassing phone calls; even they rejected my teenaged ideas for political dirty tricks).

But I must do more. I must declare my commitment to protecting The Right to Pun. Therefore, following are the punned-up names of all 72 Senators who voted to pun-ish the exercise of free speech:

Lame-o Alex-pander
Whine All-lard
Pawn Bare-ass-ho
Minnie Bogus
Ever Baught-and-paid-for
Rube Bentover
Kiss-my-fur Boned
Scam Brownnoser
Dim Dumming
Bitcher (“Aaron Burr”) Bore
Always-been Card-carrying-creep
Dumbass Crapper
Armed-robber Nut-case Jr.
Sex-fiend Shame-lips
Tummy Rug-burn
Bad Cock-man
Abnormal Cruelman
Accusor Galling
Bent Gonard
Slob Porker
John Corn-fed-pork
Scary Leg
Make Crappy
Dim Demented
Illicitly On-the-dole
Peepee Dominatrix
Buy-me An-organ
Wrong Andsinful
Yokel Dead-ender
Dilated Notfine-Frankenstein
Limpy Greyhams
Upchuck Crabgrassy
Dud Groggy
Schmuck Hateful
Orifice Snatch
Notokay Badly Klutcherdum
Germs Inhuffinpuff
Runny Imasicksonofa
Dim Yawnsome
Lamy OldButcher
Nerd Ghoul
Gomr Pyl
Scary Hairdo
Cheaptrick Laydown
Tonedeaf Liarman
Blankcheck Finkin
Sweat Alot
Snitcher Lugie
Malicious Martinet
Pawn McPain
Glare MyRoadkill
Sonofabitch McConman
Babbling Mistakeski
Fleece-a Muckowskid
Bull Hellson
Beenadumb Dumbson
Many Prior-arrests
Splat (“Pat Robertson”) Dogbert
Clown Sillycar
Jerk Messin’
Bitchy Empty-Shell
Snore-dum Myth
Olympian Snowjob
All-gone (“Phil Spector”) Disrespecter
Braindead Stevens
Wanna Dopoopoo
Gone Testicle
Yawn Chewin’
Depraved Spitter
Gee-whiz Voidinthehead
Mom Warned-me-about-you
Spam Weblog *

Whew. That was cathartic. Frankly, since I am usually an equal-opportunity punster, I do regret not punning the names of the Senators who did not vote for this insult to American Humor. But an example had to be made. I had to draw my own squiggly line in the sandbox of contemporary politics. And so I have.

And I know I may have alienated some of my readers who are either a-political, cynical political bastards supporting this outrage or just sufficiently brain damaged to have been offended by the “Betray-Us” pun. So I have just registered the domain name PunOn.org, where I will be putting my follow-ups to this and other “Right to Pun” content. So, aside from an occasional link, I will return WendellWit.com to its previous non-issue-oriented orientation.

But still, to all those who may not like the punning, you may groan, you may grimace, you may even roll your eyes, but I beseech thee (and three-seech bee), Do Not Pun-ish Us!

*For the record, their real names, in corresponding alphabetical order, are: Lamar Alexander (R-TN), Wayne Allard (R-CO), John Barrasso (R-WY), Max Baucus (D-MT), Evan Bayh (D-IN), Robert Bennett (R-UT), Christopher Bond (R-MO), Sam Brownback (R-KS), Jim Bunning (R-KY), Richard Burr (R-NC), Benjamin Cardin (D-MD), Thomas Carper (D-DE), Robert Casey (D-PA), Saxby Chambliss (R-GA), Tom Coburn (R-OK), Thad Cochran (R-MS), Norm Coleman (R-MN), Susan Collins (R-ME), Kent Conrad (D-ND), Bob Corker (R-TN), John Cornyn (R-TX), Larry Craig (R-ID), Mike Crapo (R-ID), Jim DeMint (R-SC), Elizabeth Dole (R-NC), Pete Domenici (R-NM), Byron Dorgan (D-ND), John Ensign (R-NV), Michael Enzi (R-WY), Diane Feinstein (D-CA), Lindsey Graham (R-SC), Chuck Grassley (R-IA), Judd Gregg (R-NH), Chuck Hagel (R-NE), Orrin Hatch (R-UT), Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX), James Inhofe (R-OK), Johnny Isakson (R-GA), Tim Johnson (D-SD), Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), Herb Kohl (D-WI), Jon Kyl (R-AZ), Mary Landrieu (D-LA), Patrick Leahy (D-VT), Joseph Lieberman (ID-CT), Blanche Lincoln (D-AR), Trent Lott (R-MS), Richard Lugar (R-IN), Mel Martinez (R-FL), John McCain (R-AZ), Claire McCaskill (D-MO), Mitch McConnell (R-KY), Barbara Mikulski (D-MD), Lisa Murkowski (R-AK), Bill Nelson (D-FL), Benjamin Nelson (D-NE), Mark Pryor (D-AR), Pat Roberts (R-KS), Ken Salazar (D-CO), Jeff Sessions (R-AL), Richard Shelby (R-AL), Gordon Smith (R-OR), Olympia Snowe (R-ME), Arlen Specter (R-PA), Ted Stevens (R-AK), John Sununu (R-NH), Jon Tester (D-MT), John Thune (R-SD), David Vitter (R-LA), George Voinovich (R-OH), John Warner (R-VA), Jim Webb (D-VA)

1 Comment (so far) about


  1. Funny Paperless Says:

    […] especially outraged by the Senate Vote on the MoveOn.org Ad and wrote about it at some length at WendellWit.com. Now, a great shirtless webcomicker has made an even bigger commitment to The Freedom to Pun. […]

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