"Wendell With Cheese"

2007
Aug
29

If you enjoyed Supermarket 2.0, you’ll love brgr, aka Burger 2.0! Yes, it’s your basic “if your hamburger were like a website/web celebrity/software product/tech company/buzzword” schtick, but some of them are funny. My faves [inside].

(As seen on MetaFitler as “I Don’t Want to Be Exposed to Angus”)

If you don’t want to go through the long 70%-not-very-funny-list, these made the whole thing blogworthy for me (edited to make Comedy 2.0 complient):

Apple Burger: The most beautiful burger ever, but not compatible with 25% of available condiments.

Beta burger: You hear whispers of an invite-only burger at the next table, order said burger, wait with insufferable anticipation for burger to arrive and then throw burger away when it finally lands on your table, hours later, shaped like an artichoke, tasting like liquorice and smelling like shit.

Clicky Burger: After you eat the burger, stats will be provided on fat consumption, miles to run to burn off burger, where the burger meat came from, and to what extent others may have eaten the same burger.

Digg Burger #1: Twenty burgers are served tableside. Whichever burger receives the most amount of votes from the other guests is the burger which you shall eat. Some burgers will appear better than others.

Digg Burger #2: You order your burger, then hundreds of people vote on whether they’d like to eat your buger. Then they yell inane things at you while you eat it.

Engadget Burger: You get a menu of a bunch of really interesting burgers. Some are sooo good that you can almost taste them and for some reason, you have to have one…But then you find out that the burger isn’t invented yet. When it is invented, you will only be able to eat it in Japan, and you suddenly realize that you don’t have any idea what restaurant the menu is for at all.

Lifehacker Burger: You don’t actually get a burger, but instead, a list of instructions on how someone else actually made a burger out of parts of the table you are sitting at.

RealPlayer Burger: Comes with a string that once eaten, will follow behind you everywhere you go. No matter how hard you try, you can’t remove the string.

Wiki Burger #1: Before you eat the burger, everyone in the restaurant is free to add or remove whatever condiments they want using their bare hands.

Wiki Burger #2: The overall burger is mediocre at best, with a little bit of everything, but the tomatoes are succulent, juicy, and you swear you can unnecessarily taste every seed.

Still, I could have done a better job with bacn burger than “While you are waiting for this delicious burger to be served, the waiter comes to your table every minute or two with an update on its progress.” I’d have said “Every two minutes while you’re in the restaurant, you are served a burger similar to something you ordered in the past, in a convenient to-go package so you can enjoy it later.”

Of course, I had to add something specific to the site I posted it to…

MetaFilter Burger: You cook your own burger just the way you want it, but the other patrons get to add condiments, many of which you don’t like (often chosen BECAUSE you don’t like them). Your burger may be removed if it contains toxic substances, is lacking in nutritional value, or is the exact same thing somebody else cooked up. And if it is discovered you used your own personal meat, you will be thrown out of the restaurant.

AskMetaFilter Burger: If you don’t know what kind of burger you want, you can ask the other patrons, but you must provide enough info for them to make a judgment, not ask for a purely hypothetical burger and not have conditions requiring that only a qualified doctor or lawyer can select your burger. The moderators will remove any funny-looking things from the burger, and if anyone attempts to trash your burger, will recover it and clean it up as much as possible.

…to which a MeFite who calls himself “phoque” completed the trifecta with:
Metatalk burger: made with 100% flameout broiled banhammer tenderized pony meet-ups and bugs.

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