"Free as in Lunch"


We now return you to the usual level of middle-brow whimsy…

All seriousness aside… I get ideas. Ideas for funny things that I cannot or choose not to do myself. Sometimes I suggest them to people I know who I think could do them (but never do), but mostly they just fade away in my faulty middle-term memory. Well, not any more. I hereby dedicate this new category of the blog to “Big Ideas” which I present publicly for ANYBODY to make something out of, asking nothing in return except for a “based on a big idea by Wendell Wittler” credit.

Yep, free, no royalties, no enforceable copyright, no Intellectual Property… hey, there is NOTHING Intellectual about my ideas. And now the first three BIG IDEAS:

(1) Somebody should do a new version of the Diana Ross and the Supremes song “Love Child”, only substituting for the title the less delicate “Bastard”:

…no child of mine will be bearing
The name of shame I’ve been wearing
Never meant to be
Scorned by society!
Always second best
Different from the rest

(2) A parody of “300”, with nods to “Revenge of the Nerds” and “Idiocracy”. The 300 geniuses of “SMARTA!” take on millions of Averagepersons. I couldn’t come up with a very intelligent version of “Tonight we dine in Hell”, probably because my eating habits are among the least intelligent things about me, but if you can, the concept is all yours.

(3) The semi-obscure but very cool and funky song by Kid Creole and the Coconuts “Endicott” has in its refrain 40 statements about Endicott:

Endicott’s up by 5 o’clock
Endicott’s givin’ it all he got…
Endicott’s wish is her command
Endicott don’t make no demands
Endicott’s always back in time
Endicott’s not the cheatin’ kind…
Endicott’s got ideas and plans
Endicott’s what you call a real man…
Endicott keeps his body clean
Endicott don’t use nicotine…
Endicott stands for decency
Endicott stands for quality… etc.

So how about a web-based quiz “Are You Like Endicott?” 2.5 points for every statement you can answer YES to (one is repeated “Endicott loves [insert her name] so…”, it would count as 5) and the result is your percentage of Endicott (conversely, add up the NO answers and get your Kid Creole percentage).

More BIG IDEAS as I get them…

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