"Greater Googly Mooglies, the Googlewackies, Suicide Googlebombing and The Googles They Do Nothing!"


A Main-Stream-Media writer with too much time on his hands decided he wanted to “beat” Google, so he set out to come up with as many phrases as he could that (when searched for as a phrase, i.e. within “” quotes) would get NO search results.

I don’t think you can call this Gene Weingarten’s totally original idea (hmmm… no prior results). Since the concept of Googlewhacking, finding a combination of two words that return ONE single result, is over five years old (35 in dog years, 50 in web years, 350 in ‘on the web no one knows you’re a dog’ years),

Let’s take a look at some of the orphan phrases he discovered, shall we? (And see how far up the search results I can place the ol’ WW.com)

“Queen Elizabeth’s buttocks.”
“Varsity pinochle.”
“If you take off your bra, I’m calling the cops.”
“Jesus loves you for your money.”
“Plush Osama doll.”
“Tiffani Suarez.”
“Mohammed Ciccolini.”
“Moishe Goebbels.” (yeah, no surprise here, you’d do just as well with Woody Goering)
“Please accept these underpants as collateral”
“Thor adjusted his mascara.”
“The Iraqi Regis Philbin.”
“Laura Bush’s secret tattoo.”
“Hot cheese sundae.”
“Cancer, heart disease and zits.” (caused by eating too many hot cheese sundaes?)
“Pizza with Condoleezza.”
“Dogs playing poker and mah-jongg.”
“The dainty Hillary Clinton.”
“Man-boob implants.”
“Acid klezmer band.”
“The yodeling librarian.”
“George W. Bush’s subtlety.”

I omitted several that just showed that he was mostly throwing non-sequiturs against Google’s wall and seeing which ones didn’t stick, but I was kind of surprised at some that got Zero Hits, like “much to Paris Hilton’s embarrassment”, “I owe my life to unprotected sex”, “My grandchildren are so ugly”, and especially “I was helped by the federal government”, because, although rare, it has happened. In fact, I have been helped by the federal government (no hits for that phrasing either).

Checking out my own meme-creation skillz, I found that I was the first to ever commit to the Web the phrases “Icon Has Cheezburger”, “Repent and Indign” “Hollywood Hall of Comedy” and “37 42 4F 69 86 96 A0 BC 667 789 AD0 B52 1995” (to my great relief), but wasn’t nearly as lucky with “Neil before Zod” (however, I am #9 of 597; Google does like me).

But this is indeed a game anyone can play, even if you have work ethic of a Washington Post columnist (sorry, WP, no hits).

“Dr. Strangelove trilogy”

“Memorial Day fasting”

“Angus MacGyver Burger”

“ACLU member in the Bush White House” (shooting fish in a barrel)

“When Osama Met Obama”

“The algorithm invented the internet” (stop and think about that one for a moment)

“braiding hamsters” (which actually did come up in an internet chat conversation I had last night – good thing Google doesn’t index those)

UPDATE: I have successfully Googlebombed Mr. Weingarten, showing up right after him on most of these searches and ABOVE HIM for “Moishe Goebbels” and ?Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-esque.? (And just for the record, Yahoo, MSN Livesearch and Ask.com haven’t indexed either of us yet) BWAHAHAHA!

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