August 2009

AND NOW A WORD FROM SOMEBODY WHO MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME...
2009
Aug
27

A Challenger Re-Appears

..in the form of another Wendell-made ‘Square Root of Minus Garfield’ (in fabulous Photoslop-vision). Consider it my way of getting revenge on Adam Koford.

Aug
27

Welcome to the Wendell Zone

Okay, I guess I owe those of you still paying attention an explanation. I have set Wednesday (or Wendellsday), September 30th as a kind of premiere date for the latest iteration of my latest (and possibly last) attempt to set up a small ‘network’ of blogs and mini-sites covering my various interests (as a result, I will write more about more things while the individuals in the audience will be able to follow my views on X while discretely avoiding my views on Y – a win/win). I plan to begin unveiling things on September 9th (because everybody has something happening on 9/9/09) but the official premiere will be Wendellsday, September 30th (which happens to be my mumblemumbleth birthday).

That’s assuming I can get out of the bad Twilight Zone rerun that is my life right now. You know the one where all the mechanical and technical things this guy owned turned against him? (Maybe it was an Outer Limits or Night Gallery, I’m not sure). Well, mine are being more subtle because I’m experiencing on-and-off functionality from my car, refrigerator, microwave, cellphone, cable TV/internet and two laptop computers. It reached a high point of creepiness when my dead cellphone came back to life just in time to call the AAA when my car stalled on the freeway. Don’t know if I’m blessed, cursed or if my warranty on life as I know it just expired, but it appears to be spreading to my physical body, via some nerve spasms that are alternating among various locations in my extremities. So, I am typing this with my fingers crossed, and saving the file every 17 seconds.

And since I have just discovered a WordPress theme framework that does more of what I want than anything I’ve ever used before and I reallyreallyreally want to try it out here, expect this site to look like Matt Mullenwordpress himself threw up on it for the next few days. Because it’s so obvious that I will lose all internet connectivity and/or motor skills while ‘live testing’ it.

But if you do happen to meet up with the ghost of Rod Serling at a seance or Hollywood haunted house tour, please ask him to lay off the Wendell. Thanks.

2009
Aug
14

A ‘What Am I Doing’ Status Update too long for Twitter

One-third-way through major household clean-up/reorganization. Several bags of trash and/or garbage and/or recyclables are by my apartment’s front-and-only door, mostly blocking it. 50% of my possessions are in disorderly piles on the sofa and desk, making both currently unusable. I had to take a break to cool off, and spilled several pounds of ice (acquired at store when defrosting refrigerator) over a path between the kitchen and the bed, my only available place to sit down, relax and use my laptop. But I felt guilty I was not doing anything to clean up so I got out my cordless electric razor to remove the beard I had been lazily growing for the last month. Of course, the razor’s battery ran down and required recharging halfway, when my facial hair was in a pattern even a crazy person would intentionally have. (And, I am currently clothed in my usual summer housecleaning outfit, which is a pair of my dirtiest underwear also used to clean surfaces) In this state, the chances of someone just dropping by and knocking on my door before I finish writing this is more likely than… there it is!

2009
Aug
13

Call Rewrite

A recent Twitter #Meme I participated in was “First Draft Movie Lines”, which, despite being hampered by Twitter’s Search function not recognizing #1stdraftmovielines because of the “#1”, still generated some great one-liners from a lot of imaginative people along with a lot of repetitions of “Luke, I’m your daddy”. But for this post, I’m only going to show you the ones I came up with…

I ate his liver with onions. You ever had liver and onions? It’s better than it sounds.

I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, but I left my dentures at home!

“Bond, Jimdog Bond”

Soylent Green is one damn fine piece of grocery product marketing!

E.T., send a text message.

Go ahead… make me giggle like a schoolgirl.

Forget it Jake, it’s Pasadena.

Use the midi-chloridians, Luke.

I’ve got really low expectations for this.

Houston, we are frakked.

“Houston, we’re shitting bricks.”

We’re gonna need another boat altogether.

My name is Inigo Montoya. You might have killed my father, but I need more evidence. May I swab you for DNA?

I’m mad as hell, and I know there ain’t a damn thing I can do about it, but public ranting is good for my career!

You know Louie, this could be the beginning of a lucrative working partnership.

The truth? You wouldn’t understand the truth, it’s too damn complicated.

I love the smell of Agent Orange brand defoliant in the morning. It smells like we’re accomplishing something!

Badges? Yeah, we got badges, but I’m not sure where they are and honestly they’re a pain to keep track of, okay?

Aug
13

Garfield Minus Wendell

I have another contribution up at “Square Root of Minus Garfield”, the comic strip mashup that has become so popular (with contributors) that it expanded from 3 to 5 days a week and still took 7 weeks to get around to mine. But I did send in several at once, which means in the very near future, you will get a chance to see my interpretations of Garfield meeting the Laugh Out Loud Cats, Garfield dealing with his ‘boss’, Jim Davis and other things the Square Rooters may or may have the nerve to show the world. If they don’t, I will. We’ll see. Anyway, go there, now, and see how ol’ Gar dovetails with the depiction of cats in “9 Chickweed Lane”.

2009
Aug
11

My Card

The last time I was given business cards at my job was 3 jobs and 20+ years ago, but that was the last job I had where I dealt with anybody who wasn’t an employee of the same company, and THAT was in Accounts Payable where most my contacts involved telling Accounts Receivable people why they wouldn’t be getting paid this week. I suggested adding “writer of quality fantasy fiction” to the card but my boss didn’t go for it.

I had ideas for my cow-orkers…

“Financial Gravedigger: Knows where the bodies are buried”

“No Accounting for Taste”

“Practicing Human Relations from the Outside”

“Accounts Decievable”

“Survived the 60s: Please Speak Slowly”

“Computer Science Is NOT Rocket Science, We Crash Much More Often” and “Mr. Leach (his real name), not related to Robin, not Rich, not Famous, not Blood-Sucking”

I have good memories of those people, especially the Receptionist with whom I had a semi-improper relationship (a long story I will NEVER tell publicly without truth serum)

2009
Aug
10

Under Contraption

I used to say that “Life is what you do between technical difficulties.” Now, I believe that my life has become a series of technical difficulties (and I was mostly unaffected by the Big Facebook/Twitter DDoS Because Some Dork in Russia Had a Hissy Fit). Of course, I am now including my health crises among the “technical difficulties”… and every contact with my father, who mixes luddite-ism, clumsiness, denial over his failing eyesight and an extra dose of the common male resistance to reading instructions into a Perfect Storm of technical difficulty.

My all time favorite title of an LP record album (actually, an “EP”, which I really won’t goi into) is The Waitresses’ 1982 release “I Could Rule the World if I Could Only Get the Parts”
ruletheworld
(featuring the title song for “Square Pegs”, just to give it more to love).

Anyway, I want all 7 of you reading this to remember this, as I continue to fine-tune this blog’s theme in the next few days (yeah, I don’t like that crap-brown background that comes up when you add the theme’s semi-opaque thingy to my regular orange background… I’m working on it).

2009
Aug
7

789 Part Two

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged, but I came back in time for the other 07/08/09 (Euro Edition), at least long enough to say that I’ve noticed the problems some of you were having with my old format, so I’ve installed a new theme NOT of my own creation which I will be tweaking over the net few days, so if it still doesn’t look right, trust me, I’ll make it worse.