November 2008



Having barely survived the Thanksgiving holiday (stomach flu before the big food day), I began to consider ways I could do my part in fighting the War On Christmas.

Then I noticed one of the ‘classic ads’ with a Coca-Cola-drinking Santa Claus, looked over at the can of Cherry Coke on my desk (DON’T JUDGE ME YOU RED BULL ADDICTS), and decided to end my life-long boycott of dressing up as Santa (at least for a little photoslop paperless-doll dress-up):

Wendell Claus

Wendell Claus with Elves

Oh, yeah, I’m really gonna enjoy kicking those elves around, especially after they put my elf-kicking shoes on me. Bwahahahaha.


Putting the OXY in MORON

It’s an oddly nostalgic night on Twitter, with wilw (TAFKAWesleyCrusher) seeking and finding old “Night Flight” broadcasts, a self-professed “Linux Geek” out-geeking me on Classic Comedy and helping me find the Goon Show movie spin-off “The Case of the Mukkinese Battle Horn”, and a fast-spreading meme in which Twitterers fessed up to what they were doing “on the internet 10 years ago”.

oxy2k Which was my cue to link back to the only web project I was doing then that has survived (although I’m almost relieved that the others have not): The OXY2K, the Unauthorized Official Millennial Oxymoron List, 2000+ Oxymorons for the Year 2000 and, for a few months, the largest oxymoron list on the Web.

Welcome to a world where disobedience is always civil
the fire is always friendly,
the odds are even
and even the grief is good.

Here you can always act naturally,
be alone together
and enjoy your death benefits.

Here, all the shrimp are jumbo
(and always fresh frozen),
every donut is a Krispy Kreme,
every hamburger a Whopper Junior,
and it’s all so wholesome.

If your truck is a Dodge Ram,
your CD a mini-jumbo
and your software is Microsoft Works, then this is your home.

Of course, all generalizations are false (including this one).



In late ’06/early ’07, I made a little attempt at webcomicking that I called Photoslop (I still can’t believe nobody got to the domain name before me), which represents my graphic style very accurately. It was supposed to be a daily topical single-panel using news photos, but before Daryl Cagle could discover me or the AP could make me Cease & Desist, I ran out of gas and abandoned the experiment. But not before I did the following cut-and-paste-arama that is even more relevant today:


And considering what was scaring people back then, I had to use the badly-cropped bomb-hat elsewhere…


Safe at Home vs. Homeland Security

It seems that the fact that P-E (that’s short for President-Elect because I don’t want to keep typing President-Elect over and over like I just did now… d’oh!) Obama is lobbying for a College Football Playoff is considered “Another difference with the baseball administration of George W. Bush”. I don’t find that particularly reassuring, when I think of how that other George, the Late Great Mr. Carlin, dissected the mindsets of the two sports in this classic monologue (totally SFW language, unless you work where everybody hates Sports): Baseball and Football Uploaded by rock3154

Of course, it can be noted that GB2 never really ran things like a Baseball Manager (and the more that the term CEO becomes synonymous for Scumbag, the more his original promise to be “a CEO President” makes sense… but I digress), and his foreign policy/military policy seemed much more Football-based. Maybe he was just a football coach like Charlie Weis of Notre Dame.

But enough for Bush-bashing. If you’re getting into sport analogies, BHO’s hoops skillz suggest he’ll go more for a Basketball approach… man-on-man or zone defenses with occasional double teaming and full-court press. Offensively, I hope he can mix it up between going inside for the lay-up, feeding to the big guy in the center and taking the outside shot (and not just use the three-point attempt in desperation plays). I just hope he doesn’t get called for Traveling or has to resort to drawing fouls or running down the clock. I have no idea how any of that applies to either diplomacy or warfare, but it sounds more fun than anything we’ve done for a long time. And that’s why I am nobody’s advisor.


Do You Have the Need for Feed?

If you’re subscribed to my RSS feed via FeedBurner, please be advised that I’ll be pulling the plug on that soonish and bringing the WendellFeed ‘in house’ where I will perform mostly unsuccessful experiments on it. Best bet: change your RSS subscription now to http:/// which currently semi-redirects to FeedBurner. And read my guest comic at My Life In A Cube. (I can’t stop plugging it; I disproportionately proud)

And if you came here from MLIAC, I’m usually more entertaining than this. Flu-like symptoms + inept website maintenance = makes Wendell a dull boy.


I’ve Been Cubed!

As a serious Webcomic Wannabe, I dream for opportunities to use my meager artistic abilities on a Guest Comic for somebody you’ve heard of, and, well, if you’ve never heard of Shane Johnson’s My Life in a Cube, YOU SHOULD NOW! Yes, it’s a semi-scary moment from my own cubicle days, re-created in my PhotoSlop style… Shane’s use of recognizable office supplies for the canvas of his office tales makes his work some of the most distinctive on the web, but his obviously improved attitude since quitting the cube job he was documenting did take some of the edge off his humor, so he wisely went looking for volunteers with their own tales, and, well, I got plenty…


This time for sure! Presto!

(the famous last words of Bullwinkle J. Moose)

It appears that I need to spend some time under the hood of this clunker of a blog to make it “fully functional”, as Data would say. all hail hypnotoad But if I don’t make this mess 100% compatible with WordPress 2.7, Mozilla 3.1, IE 5.5, AT40 and Toyota RAV4, it might revert to 1999 formatting, with iframes, BLINK tags, Comic Sans fonts and Tripod banner ads, and nobody wants that.

alert! alert! a big fat lert! Most of the posts in the immediate future will be to the effect of “does this look right?” or “does this make me look fat?” Please bear with me, and give me some feedback, especially if pictures of Hypnotoad, the Drudge Alert Whirly-Lights or other disturbing imagery should appear anywhere on this site. Thank you.

my name is bill


The Cone of FAIL

You would think that with Twitter down for several hours for “database maintenance”, that I would get back to my blog. Actually, a new/old laptop and an obsessive desire to set it up so that I can’t “dis-organize” it are the current culprits. But be pre-warned: I’m working on a long post that may be the most controversial, unpopular and digg-able thing I’ve ever written here.

Until then, here’s something I did with Twitter’s new whale-free Image of FAIL:
cone of fail

And if any of you newer readers (all 7 of you) missed my previous graphic work, “Twitteral Difficulties”…
twitteral difficulties


A Sad Tea Party

I was reminded at times how trivial my (and millions of other folks’) concerns are when the Tea Fire broke out near Santa Barbara yesterday at about 5:45PM and evacuations were called at 6:02PM. It’s burning houses in an officially-designated “upscale” area (Oprah has a place in the neighborhood that she rarely visits), but one Twitterfriend of mine told of how his aunt and grandmother were awaiting evacuation last night, and that ├╝bermench of political cartooning (whatever that means), Daryl Cagle, had to skedaddle with less than half his original art as the fire came within a few houses. I’m about 75 miles away from the fire, as the crow flies (almost 100 via Highway 101), and I’m starting to smell smoke. Not good for my semi-asthmatic tendencies. I’ve smelled the smoke from other wildfires in California this year, and I am aware enough of the “out in the boonies” location of the Wendellair to always be prepared for a quick evacuation. But having somebody you know driven out of house and home slaps you in the face with a different perspective.

Thanks for reading this. I will now return to trying to avoid taking anything seriously. I mean, what’s with the name “Tea Fire”? Did it start when somebody dropped a lit cigarette into a Lipton box? Okay, there’s a “Tea House” near where it started… yeah, a “Tea House” just outside Santa Barbara… explains the first crew of firemen acting like Bill & Ted. As for Cagle’s archive of political toons, I’m surprised some of them didn’t spontaneously combust long ago. Thanks, I’m here all weak.


Not This Wendell, Part 2. No-o-o-o!

Sad follow-up to this post. Wendell the Canadian Wallaby has been found, dead, not far from the small zoo he had escaped from. A hopefully-appropriate tribute will appear soon in the header of this blog. Until then, a bit of hopefully-appropriate Australian funeral music…

(REVISED) This version includes the controversialracist “Abbos” verse… I mean, gee whiz, this “Australian stockman” had more respect for his pet animals than for the indigenous aborigines working for him. But then, he also had them “tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred” so civilized social norms were obviously not his thing.

And there was another version on YouTube which illustrated the “tanned his hide when he died, Clyde” verse in a most disturbing manner. No link. I’m not going to share ALL my pain on the blog.