September 2008

2008
Sep
29

Jack So Disbarred Thompson 3: the wreckening

This will be my final word(s)on this particular topic, but I see that someone else has registered JackThompsonIsSoDisbarred.com, collected 83 examples as of Saturday (but no update since) and is accepting more examples (along with “an amusing title image or css design”) at a Gmail address. I couldn’t have done a more half-assed job myself, and I am a Half-Assed Website Master. I’ll show the few JTISD.com has that aren’t from Twitter at the bottom of this list, thus completing the Circle of Internet Content Copyage.

Meanwhile, back at the Twitter:
Is that all? Of course that’s not all! Click Here.

AND NOW A WORD FROM SOMEBODY WHO MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME...
2008
Sep
28

Wendell Twitters and Burps

The main reason I haven’t been keeping up the blog this last week is that I went in for an overnight “Sleep Study”, returned with a bunch of “electrode glop*” in my hair and, having ended the 8-hour test sleepier than I started, tried to wash out the glop NOT with a normal shower but with a big bowl of warm water and a washcloth on the table next to my bed… right next to the laptop computer I use to blog in bed (yes, I am that disabled/lazy). And of course, most of the water spilled right onto the keyboard of the laptop and the display flashed and went off, never to go on again. I had already altered WordPress’s “update your blog anywhere” features to work best (i.e. only) with that laptop, and Twitter was so much easier to communicate with, even if I was limited to 140 characters at a time, AND YOU CAN SEE RIGHT HERE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I AM NOT LIMITED MY GOD I AM SO WORDY.

One I got the backup laptop able to blog, I wasted a lot of time “fixing” my design to render properly on Internet Explorer 6.0 (the only major browser where the rounded corners do a weird little levitation thing that looks crappy). Actually, it was never successfully “fixed”, and my only message to IE 6.0 users is: UPGRADE YOUR FRAKKING BROWSERS!!! GET INTO THE 21ST CENTURY, YOU EEDIOTS!!! EVEN MICROSOFT HAS A NEWER VERSION!!! ARE YOU AFRAID OF 7??? IS IT BECAUSE 7 ATE NINE???

Anyway, since I have said a few brilliantly funny things on Twitter lately, I will be recycling them in the next few posts (often expanding from the 140 character limit to my usual blather-til-you-drop style). And, of course, document the rest of the “So Disbarred” Twitter Meme, which I am right now regretting I got started with.

So stay tuned, fasten your seat belts, tip your waitress and GET A FRAKKING DECENT BROWSER, MORANS!!!

*that’s a Medical Term

Sep
28

Jack Disbarred is So Thompson

My Internet Idol Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg has made Twitter approximately 75% more fun (if not any more useful) with what he calls “Twitter Mobs” or “audience participation comedy”. He occasionally puts out a funny meme (like substituting “Mothra” for “Mother”), posts a few examples, and lets his just-under-a-thousand Twitter followers pick it up and run with it… often into a wall.

Being one of the Sjöbergazzi, I have been one of the first to jump on his rickety bandwagons, and take pride in some of my silliness (Now you know what I’ve been doing instead of blogging). But the only way to follow the fun is via Twitter Search, which is not so good for the Internet Permanent Record (rejected @ MetaFilter), so, since it’s one of those “somebody’s got to do it” things and I’ve been doing self-esteem exercises where I repeat “I am somebody” over and over, I decided to create a more static digest of the best Twitter Mob Meme yet: “Jack Thompson is SO Disbarred”
Is that all? Of course that’s not all! Click Here.

2008
Sep
18

Talk Like a Plank or Walk the Pirate!

Or something like that…

Remember, to avoid confusion, “Talk Like a File Sharer Day” is December 26th (Lars Ulrich’s Birthday), “Talk Like a Pittsburgh Pirate Day” is August 18 (Roberto Clemente’s Birthday), “Talk Like Pontius Pilate Day” is the Thursday before Easter and “Sing Like a Character from Gilbert & Sullivan Day” is every day except December 1st (Gilbert ‘Alone Again Naturally’ O’Sullivan’s birthday).

This has been a Public Service Announcement from a Scurvy Knave. Remember, we can wipe out Scurvy in our lifetime.

Sep
18

Uh Oh

I just took a hit on my starboard bow. And now, yes, they’re boarding. Gotta send out an S.O…

Sep
18

The Triumph of Wil

Apparently the latest Internet Meme is “Facts About Wil Wheaton” which seems redundant, since Wil IS an Internet Meme.

My faves (and ones you don’t have to be a 37th level nerf herder in Worlds of Wargames to understand)…
#9 Wil Wheaton is the Kwisatz Haderach.
#10 Wil Wheaton is Three Laws Safe!
#11a Wil has banged more hot chicks in costumes than you will ever meet.
#12 The current Wil Wheaton is actually from the Mirror Universe, as evidenced by his Goatee of Doom. Is that all? Of course that’s not all! Click Here.

2008
Sep
13

Good Night, George

GEORGE PUTNAM (all caps, because that’s the way he said everything), Los Angeles Television/Radio Legend, has died at the age of 94. A protege of Walter Winchell who came to L.A. in 1951 to restart a stalled career as a news anchor, he was famous for his dramatic style and extremely UNobjective reporting. Retrospective of his colorful career: Part One, Part Two. Best known on the Web as the "outstanding news reporter" who narrated the ’50s alarmist documentary "Perversion for Profit", he was also acknowledged as the model for the Mary Tyler Moore show’s bombastic newsman character Ted Baxter (seen here sitting in on a real newscast). Not restricting his editorializing to his daily "One Reporter’s Opinion" segment, he is credited/blamed for the election of Sam Yorty as mayor of Los Angeles. And when TV News outgrew him, he found a home for the next 30 years doing Talk Radio (where some of us believe Rush Limbaugh also modeled his style after him). And that’s the up-to-the-minute obitfilter; up to the minute, that’s all the obitfilter.
Is that all? Of course that’s not all! Click Here.

2008
Sep
9

Large Hubbub Confuser

The Controversial Large Hadron Collider (they should change its official acronym from LHC to CLHC) will begin operation at about 12:30AM Pacific Daylight Time tonight/tomorrow. Of course, nothing the LHC will do is likely to destroy the world or even depress local property values any more than they already are. Still, I was a little concerned about the exact timing of the start-up, since a cosmic cataclysm would cause me to miss Craig Ferguson. But then I saw that tonight’s guests are scheduled to be Russell Brand and Margaret Cho, both of whom are rather overrated. If anything, that guest lineup may be a greater risk of creating a black hole than the LHC. But that’s just my opinion. In fact the greatest risk of a matter/antimatter accident may be the following day when Obama and McCain will make a joint appearance at a 9/11 Ground Zero Anniversary Party Commemoration. Still, if there were any real danger of the LHC destroying the world, it’s good to know it would happen before THAT.

But if we are all sucked into a black hole in the early hours of September 10th, I just want all you WebHeads, NetProphets and BlogSplitters in my half-vast audience to know that I appreciate your support (which after running Google Ads for three years came to $105 – and I’m so glad that I hit the $100 minimum and Google cut the check before anything happened). I can’t think of a greater bunch of people-I-have-never-met-in-real-life to be sucked into a black hole with. Or sucked into anything with. Maybe I’m getting a little too personal. But seriously, I love all you guys and gals in a totally asexual way and I don’t care who knows it.

Some people say we should all live every day like it’s our last day on Earth. I don’t necessarily agree; I think it would cause me to miss even more deadlines than I already do. And for a while I thought “last day on Earth” meant something else so I was keeping one carry-on suitcase packed just in case and hoping it wouldn’t be over the weight limit for the Space Shuttle. I was recently reminded the importance of Living for Today when I saw a close Internet friend go through the worst of Hurricane Gustav. It also reminded me the importance of NOT keeping valuable items in a structure with a tin roof. But most of all it reminded me how great it is to live in a time when I can have close Internet friends who live 2000 miles or more away in the path of hurricanes while my own local area is having the most boringly beautiful summer of my life. I feel like I’m observing all the catastrophic Climate Change from a safe distance.

But all this talk of disaster reminded me of something. It reminded me that I set up a website called ArmageddonOrNot.com a couple of years ago where people could rate the risk and severity of various doomsday scenarios, but when I went through a period of mild depression I didn’t want to update the site. And now that I am feeling much much less depressed, I still don’t want to update the site. So if the LHC does not cause the End of The World, it is going to mark the End of ArmageddonOrNot.com, because I’m going to shut it down. I just haven’t decided what kind of message to leave on the placemark page, how much to explain and how much to try to freak out the already-apocalyptic-minded people who visit the site after I pull the plug.

I was just thinking to myself “my life is good”, and then I realized that that was the title of a song by Randy Newman, and that song may be the most cynical thing he ever wrote (and that’s saying a lot). So maybe I should reword that. Let me get back to you on that. AFTER the 11th.

Sep
9

Ancient Political History

I’d forgotten my past ventures into political logo humor… (and since they were among the masses of past stuff not yet re-published at the new address, so had the Internet)…

Did you know that Google was an Official Innovation Somethingorother…?

And while I didn’t have the font, I did get a chance to play with Obama’s logo (warning: not recommended for those too emotionally invested in the O-guy). [link fixed – for a while it went nowhere]