from the "What’s the Big Idea" Dept.

2009
Feb
2

There’s a word for that.

You know, when you just want to run around waving your arms over your head and screaming? That’s KERMITFLAILING.
kermit-flail
Credit where it’s due: KERMITFLAILING is via Wil Wheaton dot Typepad via commenter Queen Anthai via Cleolinda Jones of Movies In Fifteen Minutes. The animated giffy is mine mine all mine. (well, based on somebody else’s picture of Kermit that’s been copied a few dozen times). You may make copies of the gif and spread it around the Intarwebs – Don’t hotlink it – I could change it at any moment.

AND NOW A WORD FROM SOMEBODY WHO MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME...
2009
Jan
23

Costco Size Me!

After my last visit to the Big Warehouse Store Full Of Things I Could Never Afford, But At Lower Prices So I Can’t Afford Them Only Half As Much, I got to wishing that some of the food and household products that they bundle into multi-packs of normal-sized packages could be put into humongous-sized packages instead. Why does it only have to be 5-pound blocks of cheese and 99-ounce cans of Peaches; why can’t everything be packaged like that?

I mean, a 24-pack of toilet paper rolls is OK, but what if they put it all into one roll?!? They already have t-p-holder adapters for the Triple Rolls, so they could certainly make one for the Quattuorvigenuple Roll! Of course, depending on where your roll holder is located in the bathroom, the paper might just shove you off the toilet…

I’d like to see more spray cans in humongous sizes; I’ve seen Pam Cooking Spray and Raid Roach Killer in Andre-the-Giant-sized cans, but what about Air Fresheners, Shaving Creams, Hair Sprays and that ultimate in spray-can technology: Spray Cheese! I made some feeble attempts to Photoslop a visualization of a 5-pound (like the block cheese) Spray Cheese Can, but nothing I could do could match my (and I’ll assume your) imagination.

And why not give your kids a 2-gallon can of Silly String, or a 10-pound block of Play-Doh, or a 5-foot non-extended/30-foot extended Slinky? (What? No, I’ve never been a parent. How did you figure that out?)

I understand that some things just wouldn’t work out Humongousized. Combining a bundle of 9 Lean Cuisine Chicken Entrees into one would kind of defeat the product’s entire purpose…

But think of a tube of toothpaste the size of ten normal tubes. No way that’ll fit in a normal medicine cabinet; that would require its own wall-mounted rack (with multiple anchor screws). And you’ll get a muscle-training workout with every brushing!

And who would settle for a 24-pack of normal-sized candy bars when you can have a single 10-pound bar! And I’m not talking about one of those Ghirardelli solid chocolate blocks, I mean a 6-foot-long Twix bar, a Mounds bar bigger than a half-dozen coconuts, a Babe Ruth-sized Baby Ruth, a KitKatKitKatKitKatKitKatKitKatKitKatKitKat or a Milky Way big enough to truly earn the galaxy-sized name! And after you’re finished chewing that whole caramel-and-nougat-filled Chocolate Hulk, that ten-fer tube of Colgate is going to be just what you need!

On a related note, why can’t they even be consistent as to what a “warehouse size” should be? It’s like the XXL version of the 10 hot dogs/8 buns dilemma. They have 3-pound bags of tortilla chips and 3-pound jars of salsa, but 5-pound packages of cheese? Based on my own experience, do NOT attempt a party-sized batch of nachos with those proportions. It will end badly.