from the "Photoslop" Dept.

2009
Feb
26

Future Man and the Attack of the PhotoSlop

In my web wanderings, I stumbled on this image being stored at “tinypic”
thatsthefuture-600
(It’s not tiny so I shrunk it to fit here; if you’re having trouble reading it, the original’s over here)

Personally, I don’t think that Twitter is the most retarded thing of the current era, (I Twitter frequently, and if you miss me here, check me out there) and I can come up with a lot of other things to fill those word balloons with. Here is just one:
thatsthefuturetv-600x480

There will be more. In the meantime, speaking of Twitter, the anticipation of the Big Deal that will be the premiere of The Watchmen Movie means that we can expect the Twitterverse to soon be filled with chirping about Owls vs. Bats, Giant Squids, Nixon and Dr. Manhattan’s Private Parts. So, I thought up an appropriate graphic accompaniment.

twatchmen

One more thing, as the cringeworthy saga/ad campaign of the Critically Injured Jack Box continues to careen deeper into the realm of really bad taste, may I recommend a little change in the fast food chain’s corporate branding:
jackinacoma

AND NOW A WORD FROM SOMEBODY WHO MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME...
2009
Jan
15

News Yorker

It’s been all Bad News for me the last couple of days, with the release of personal issues (spelled s-h-i-t) coming from three directions and throwing in having to take Patrick McGoohan off my list of “cool people I’d like to meet someday” (and less than a week after I blogged/MetaFiltered about him using the title “Be Seeing Him”). Sleepless in San Luis, I got interested in the New Yorker Magazine Annual Eustace Tilley Contest. Now, there’s no way I’m going to enter this prestigious competiton (especially since the talented Adam Koford has it all sewed up again this year), but after playing around with trying to anagram “The New Yorker”, I came up with something close that I could visualize with even my meager ‘Photoslop’ skill set…
eustacetilleybywendell
I could have placed his head even lower, bu that would’ve involved more bit-level manipulation than I feel like right now.

Now, maybe I can get some sleep. I have crises scheduled for tomorrow.

2008
Dec
16

Playing With My Food

One of my favorite convenience foods (and one with the least negative side effects) is the “steam in your microwave” vegetables that BirdsEye recently came out with (and the supermarket house brands have already copied). Currently, every chain in town is advertising them for $1 a bag for the basic veggies and $2 for the fancies and mixes, which is extra good for me, since when it comes to trying to cook fresh veggies, I have a brown thumb. Is that all? Of course that’s not all! Click Here.

2008
Dec
10

Good Will Keeping

Inspired by the tour of the Good Housekeeping Institute written up by this blogger (who claims to be the “oldest working writer in advertising” despite revealing in a previous post that she was in 3rd grade when JFK was assassinated, just like I was – I guess I can drop “advertising writer” from my list of jobs to persue – no, wait, it was on my list of jobs NOT to persue. But I digress.), I realized that the online consumer needs a similar institution to provide assurances and guarantees and I needed some practice manipulating text in Gimp, so I made this logo:
good-blogkeeping-570x290

I’m making the logo generally available, since it is a work of parody covered under Fair Use (I hope) and I know can’t stop anybody from abusing it even more than I already have. And I have it in other sizes for you blogheads to use: 456×232, 342×174, 285×145, getting a little too small to read the guarantee (but if you just want a ‘badge’): 228×116 and 171×87, and the original-humungous-sized 1140×580 for those of you who enjoy examining every pixel-level error I make in my “Photoslop” work.

But PLEASE always blog in good faith, police your comments fairly, minimize the use of l33tspeak and LOLCATspeak and avoid blogging in your pajamas (pants are still optional, fish in pants OK as long as it’s fresh fish).

BTW, I did look up the domain name “goodblogkeeping.com”, which was sadly taken, with an “under construction” place-holder (with auto-generated links to Good Housekeeping, of course), but a further whois search revealed it’s owned by Evolve Strategies, a Philadelphia-based web-and-other-communications firm issue that serves “issue advocacy, nonprofit, and progressive political organizations”. I think the domain is in better hands than mine, and if they want to use the logo, I will give it to them.

2008
Nov
30

In-Santa-ty

Having barely survived the Thanksgiving holiday (stomach flu before the big food day), I began to consider ways I could do my part in fighting the War On Christmas.

Then I noticed one of the ‘classic ads’ with a Coca-Cola-drinking Santa Claus, looked over at the can of Cherry Coke on my desk (DON’T JUDGE ME YOU RED BULL ADDICTS), and decided to end my life-long boycott of dressing up as Santa (at least for a little photoslop paperless-doll dress-up):

Wendell Claus

Wendell Claus with Elves

Oh, yeah, I’m really gonna enjoy kicking those elves around, especially after they put my elf-kicking shoes on me. Bwahahahaha.

2008
Nov
7

High Definition Schadenfreude

While Sony’s Blu-Ray high definition video disc standard format yaddayadda has won the battle of the HD discs over HDDVDVDDH or whatever, it seems to be underperforming as The Next Big Thing You Have To Buy New Copies Of All Your Old Movies On. In fact, to hear some people, Blu-Ray is doomed because up-sampling DVD players can apparently make them ol’ fashion’ diskers look almost as good on a 147-inch screen. Who knew?

But IMO, Blu-Ray was doomed from the start (and I say that very reluctantly having been a die-hard supporter of Betamax, a previous Sony competitor in the Video Format Deathmatch). Why? Because it was promoted as a High Definition format, yet its name was one letter separated from…
blurry

2008
Jun
17

Panty Raided

I am way late to the panty party on making fun of Kmart selling “Abstinence Pants”, especially since the BigK has taken the offering off its website (that’s the link used a week ago to point to the pants), either because they’ve been discontinued or are way-way out of stock. Not going to try to guess which.

But I had to roll the idea around in my head, think about what’s dreadfully wrong about having “True Love Waits” printed on your butt, and come up with some good alternatives.
Is that all? Of course that’s not all! Click Here.

2008
Jun
13

Vanity Unfair

The Blogosphere is all a-twitter (and the Twittersphere is all a-blog) over the Vanity Fair “Blogopticon” X-Y chart, which I’m sure was EXACTLY what the Conde Nasties intended. (As someone at the badly mislocated MetaFilter noted, it’s like the infamous xkcd fruit chart, but without the editorializing in the title) But apparently, due to space restrictions (they never heard of the ‘infinite canvas’ of the web), they had to cut off a part of the chart. Since the format of this blog is also a little too finite a canvas, I can’t show it right here, but I can link to it (so I have).

Jun
13

Twitter Tweet Chirp Burp

This only makes sense if you’ve gotten into the micro-blogging-social-open-messaging thingamabob called Twitter and have noticed that as it has gotten more and more popular, used and abused by a whole bunch of webfolks, it has had more ‘downtime’ than General Motors’ stock price. And like a small town TV station in the ’60s suffering ‘technical difficulties’, it has used a series of “Please Stand By” graphics to make the natives less restless (which really doesn’t work). More recently, they’ve settled into using one picture that is supposed to signify the massiveness of its mission of transmitting millions of 140-character-or-less messages all over the web. It shows a flock of their semi-trademark Twitter Birds with ropes in their beaks, holding a whale up over the surface of the water. An interesting metaphor. But I think this is better:

Yes, I made that using graphics that may or may not belong to Twitter.com. Call it parody, please.

2008
Mar
13

Roll’d

In honor of the 20th Anniversary of the release of a song that in recent months has gained a new (undead) life on the Internet, I give you…
rickrolls.jpg