from the "RealStuff" Dept.


Not Stein and Seinfeld

Ben and Jerry’s (see above) picked the perfect date for its Free Cone Day since yesterday was “Pot Day (4-20)” and I hear that B&J’s is good for The Munchies and tomorrow is “Earth Day” and it’s ecologically wise to eat something in an edible container, right? Also, the heat wave in Wendelland would make it even more perfect EXCEPT THAT BEN & JERRY’S DOESN’T HAVE A SCOOP SHOP WITHIN A HUNDRED MILES OF HERE. I blame Unilever. Or Twitter.


Truth In Truckin’

I only see things like this when I go out without a camera (and I just recently acquired a Flip Video thingy for the purpose of catching everything… it was safely in the pocket of the jacket I didn’t put on)…

Remember during the ’70s Energy Crisis when you’d see big trucks with signs on the back saying “TO CONSERVE FUEL, THIS VEHICLE WILL NOT BE DRIVEN OVER 55 MPH”? I saw one still in use today on a truck on Highway 101. But with a small change: the “55” had been replaced with “90”. (And, yes, it was going slightly less than 90.)


News: Local, Low Cal and No/SoCal

I knew that San Luis Obispo County had among the highest gasoline prices in the U.S. of A. when I moved here. And as of Memorial Day weekend, well, prices under $4 a gallon are just a memory as the lowest priced pumps in the County (at Costco, membership required) hit $4.01.9. It was only a week earlier I had put a little over 14 gallons in the Wendellmobile at $3.93.9 for a total bill of $54.00 even.

Still, here I am in the outskirts, 1.9 miles from the San Luis Obispo City Limits and 1.7 miles from the Pismo Beach City Limits (easy to get to if I don’t take a wrong turn at Albuquerque). And 2.8 miles from Avila Beach where a naked man was arrested for trying to have sex with a taxicab. Maybe he has the right idea… with the price of gas so high, we should expect to get more out of cars than just transportation.

Okay, I just disgusted myself.


One of Those Times I Wish I Had a Camera at the Ready

Driving in San Luis Obispo (SLO) along the Los Osos Valley Road (LOVR) – we have the cutest acronyms in the world around here – I found myself behind one of the pumptrucks of Al’s Pumping Co., kind of our equivalent to Rothschild’s Sewage and Septic Sucking Services of Possum Lake, Canada.logo.gif

Now I appreciate ANY business with a sense of humor (as long as they’re not laughing all the way to the bank with MY money), and Al has a great sense of humor as you can see from this logo from his website!

But what made me LOL on the road was painted on the back of the tank-a-truck, a design made to look like a California license plate with the message: SHT2GO. Obviously Al had requested that as a custom plate and the DMV told him “SHT NO!”, so he did the next best thing. California: Where We Shield the Little Innocents from 4-Letter Words by Making Them 3-Letter Words. W.T.F.


Cookie Monstrosity

So I happened to come in contact with Keebler’s E.L.Fudge Cookies and I got a good look at them. Now, they claim to be “elf shaped”…
(Excuse the poor reproduction; I just shoved them into my scanner, which is at least better than shoving a cat in a scanner – which if you were a MetaFilter member as long as I have, was a very funny joke)

In reality, they are shaped like some kind of odd silhouette into which the four rotating elf characters have been shoved to fit… Now, I could talk about the elf names – Ernie we know is the main Keebler spokes-elf, and the others apparently have appeared in commercials – Elwood, “Fast” Eddie, and Buckets. Buckets?!? If he’s the ‘Buckets of Fudge’ the ads say the cookies contain, I don’t want to know.

But let’s look at the other side of the sandwich cookie, shall we? Since it would be too much bother to match pictures of the backs of the individual elves to the fronts of the elves, Keebler decided instead to write slogans on the back cookies. And here they are.

Okay, “Uncommonly Good”… “Uncommonly Made”… “From the Hollow Tree”… and “DUNK HEAD FIRST”?!?
OH. MY. GOD. These cookies are teaching our children how to do WATERBOARDING!!!
(And I thought eating Cheez-Its was torture…)


My Name Is Wendell and I’m a Chocoholic

I’m going public with this just because I am so proud that I have made it to Halloween Day without buying ANY seasonal candy. Also, by way of an explanation if I should disappear after tonight, it will be due to the wrath of angry trick-or-treaters. Still, does this mean I qualify for a “30-day Chocolate Chip”?



Last weekend, I went out to see a live performance in the first time in way too long. The Performing Arts Center at Cal Poly is very nice, I had a sixth-row center seat and I joined a mix of aging hippies and current college students to see George Carlin road-testing material for his next HBO special. So, any jokes I quote in this post should be considered SPOILERS (not to mention… containing language that is usually NSFWendell)
Is that all? Of course that’s not all! Click Here.



I first noticed that sign at a local McDonalds more than 6 months ago.


Moving Experience

Just sitting on the porch, watching neighbors I never got to know move out…

Four women in a two-bedroom apartment and apparently every one had a table that could be considered a dinette. They should’ve thrown dinner parties while they were here! A nice variety of natural woods on the tables, chairs and even the bedframes, but every piece with shelves or drawers is white, Wait… the sofa is white too. Yep, that’s an all-female household.

Now I’m thinking of my furniture and how it will look on its way out (if I ever leave)… no two pieces match. I’ll have to move at night.


Procrastination Alert

I think I done a bad thing. I bought a 500GB portable harddrive for cheap over the web over the weekend, and because I am apparently a lot closer to the website’s warehouse than I thought, it arrived today. I am way way way behind in cleaning up the harddrives on all three of my functional computers, but now I can just dump everything in one place. I am also way way way behind on cleaning my apartment and my clothes and redesigning and optimizing all my working sites and getting a couple of my non-working sites working etcetera etcetera, but that’s all going to wait while I play with my 500 gigabytes, which is half a TERRORbyte, or 418 times as many mispronounced gigawatts Dr. Brown needed in Back to the Future.

The thing is, I tried this once before, a year ago, with a notebook-resembling 100GB drive that I somehow LOST. It just disappeared. I suspect it may have fallen into a wastebasket and I didn’t notice when I took out the trash – at first I worried about somebody else seeing the files I had stored there, but I hadn’t gotten around to transferring my REALLY embarrassing content, and since half the image files were redesigned logos for this site, that would’ve been like putting a big “return to” address on it. Still, if an evil RIAA drone were to trace the origins of EVERY mp3 I have… I’ve said too much.

Anyway, since my personal flaws include a totally unhealthy mix of perfectionism and procrastination, this big empty data box will probably keep me busy for the next 16 months and 2 weeks at least. See you all later!