If you ever should happen to have the intestinal fortitude to get to the bottom of the page (for the front page that would mean you’re a first time reader – HI THERE! – or haven’t checked in in a few days), you’d see my visitor count numbers. and you’ll see a number just a few hundred short of 100,000.
Now, recently, Mark Penn, a political hack whose work for Hillary Clinton helped make Barack Obama our first woman President or something, wrote a column in the Wall Street Journal (a publication that gets lets respectable every day that Murdoch, Al-Walid* & Co. owns it) claiming that “It takes about 100,000 unique visitors to generate an income of $75,000.” I am eagerly awaiting my check. Oh, wait, that’s 100,000 unique visitors a MONTH to earn $75,000 a YEAR. My 100,000 was since July of ’05, that’s 45 months. And they’re not all “unique” visitors… not to say that each and every one of you who bother to read my blather is not a Special Snowflake of the Most Specialest Kind… but many of you have been here more than once. I hope. And the numbers in Penn’s column are a prime example of How to Lie with Statistics (still one of my favorite books of all time) as explained here by a guy named Waldo who has far more credibility than Mark Penn because he writes for the Virginia Quarterly Review and everybody knows you shouldn’t be exposed to Virginia for more than one quarter of your time.
I can only think of one blogger who obviously is making that kind of money, and that, of course, is Miss Cellania, who, in addition to her own two blogs, is a frequent
perpetratorcontributor to YesButNoButYes, Mental Floss and Neatorama (and I hear rumors she’s blogging elsewhere under a pseudonym… Xeni something…) And she’s obviously getting royalties from webcomicker Phil Foglio because the title character in Girl Genius is based on her:
She’s obviously the hardest working blogger on the internet (and still has time to post comments here about my not blogging enough) and the only one who can get away with posting jokes like…
In a train compartment, there are three men and one ravishing young girl. The four passangers join in a conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs.” The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I’ll show you my thighs.” Men being what they are, they all pull out a ten-dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, “If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”
Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, “There!”
(of course, I could never post a joke like that without being subjected to massive amounts of criticism and general derision… but then that’s the usual reaction to most of the things I post)
If you don’t believe she’s also one of the highest paid, then why is there an Amazon link to How I Made My First Million on the Internet on her blog? There’s another reason I know Miss C is quite affluent, but it involves a very tacky reference to Madonna and Angelina Jolie that she would never forgive me for.
And before anyone accuses me of kissing up to this überblögger in the hope that I could become the future Mister Cellania, let me assure you that the only woman who could ever make me abandon my vow of asexuality is Edie McClurg (even though she hasn’t posted anything to her website since 2006). But more of that in a future post….
*did you know that next to Australia’s Rupert Murdoch and his family, the largest shareholder in NewsCorp is Saudi prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, chairman of the Kingdom Holding Company, who told Charlie Rose that he had about a 6-7% stake? As part of my personal policy of denigrating everything NewsCorp does except The Simpsons, I think I’ll just call it “Murdoch, Al-Walid & Co.” from now on.